This Week on Television
Thursday, Sept 158:00 CBS SURVIVOR: GUATEMALASeason Premiere!
A new group of survivors wash up on some ancient Mayan ruins—now with shambling mummies!10:30 COM THE SHOWBIZ SHOWDebut!
Smarty-ass David Spade hosts this new show that skewers Hollywood-types.
Friday, Sept 168:30 WB TWINSDebut!
A pair of non-look-alike twins take control of their parents' lingerie company. Cue the naked models!9:00 CBS THRESHOLDDebut!
Hotsy scientists make first contact with butt-poking aliens!
Saturday, Sept 178:30 PBS THE GRATEFUL DEAD MOVIE
(1977) For those unable to muster up the courage to kill themselves, check out this horrifyingly annoying concert film.
Sunday, Sept 188:00 CBS EMMY AWARDS
Ellen DeGeneres hosts this ceremony historically devoted to honoring the worst shows on television.
Monday, September 198:00 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENTSeason Premiere!
The Bluth family returns for another hilarious season! This episode: Michael ruins everything for everybody.8:30 CBS HOW I MET YOUR MOTHERDebut!
Doogie Howser and Willow from Buffy
star in this new sitcom about a loser looking for a wifey.9:00 WB JUST LEGALDebut!
A legal prodigy hooks up with a washout lawyer (Don Johnson) in the 5,937th law show of the season.
Tuesday, Sept 208:30 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS: DANCE OFF!
John O'Hurley and that talentless bitch Kelly Monaco hit the floor to decide who's boss!9:30 NBC THE OFFICESeason Premiere!
Steve Carell is back as the clueless boss in last season's breakout hit.10:00 FX NIP/TUCKSeason Premiere!
Christian gets his face sliced off, while Sean looks for a new partner. What a jerk!
Wednesday, Sept 218:00 NBC THE APPRENTICE: MARTHA STEWARTDebut!
This week the contestants learn to make decorative electronic ankle bracelets.9:00 ABC LOSTSeason Premiere!
The castaways finally discover what's inside the mysterious hatch—and it smells poopy!