8:00 FX STARSHIP TROOPERS--Movie

(1997) Paul Verhoeven's heee-LARIOUS parody of war movies, American culture, space flicks, racism, and, in my opinion, The Archies.

9:00 NBC FIREHOUSE

A day in the life of New York's Rescue Company No. 4. (You know... I liked firemen better when they weren't "heroes," and they were just "hot.")

10:00 NBC SHE SPIES

Debut! Natasha Henstridge (Species) is one of three juicy boo-tay girls who hook up with the government to kick crime's ass.

8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

The life story of Liza Minnelli--from Broadway, booze, and pills, to marrying that weird guy with the eyebrows.

10:00 NBC MEET MY FOLKS

In this reality game show, horny bachelors compete to win the approval of some hot chicks' parents.

9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

With only eight contestants left, Simon goes out of his way to ruin their lives forever.

8:00 FOX 30 SECONDS TO FAME

Contestants get 30 seconds to wow the crowd. Tonight: a contortionist, a juggler, and a "rapping granny."

Send your juicy piece of boo-tay to steve@thestranger.com.