8:00 MTV VIDEO AWARDS
The favorite award show of 13-year-old boys (who'll be watching to see if Lil' Kim's boob is hanging out).
9:00 AMC ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE SPIDERS FROM MARS
David Bowie gets androgynous in this 1973 documentary featuring 17 of his hit songs.
9:00 COM SOUTH PARK MARATHON
Multiple episodes including Big Gay Al, Jesus, and an answer to the eternal question, "If I stick food up my ass, will I crap out of my mouth?"
8:30 TNN OBLIVIOUS
A video-rental clerk, a gas-station manager, and a salon shampooer answer questions to win money--without realizing they're on TV.
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Sydney and the gang have to pull Will's fat out of the fire! (New episodes start Sept 29!)
9:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
Larry cuts the hair off a doll belonging to the daughter of an ABC executive, yet still finds time to accidentally trip Shaq during a Lakers game.
9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
It's down to the final two contestants, and to everyone who didn't vote for Tamyra--thanks a pantsload for making me look like a JACKASS!!!
10:30 MTV REAL WORLD
A new cast of sociopaths is chosen to live for six months (and lose their asses at the crap table) in Las Vegas.
Okay. Who needs a tampon? email@example.com