Thursday, October 17

8:00 NBC FRIENDS

Monica suspects that Chandler is obsessed by "shark porn"--which is gross on so many levels.


Friday, October 18

8:00 UPN THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK--Movie

(1998) Three retired musketeers set out to replace the evil King Louis XIV with his twin brother (Leonardo DiCaprio)--and they're both HOT!


Saturday, October 19

8:00 UPN REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES CHALLENGE

For those without cable, here's a good opportunity to see the Road Rules kids puke.


Sunday, October 20

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Daddy Jack attempts to save Sydney from her tit-shooting mom.


Monday, October 21

9:00 FOX GIRLS CLUB

Debut! David E. Kelley's new show about three hot chick lawyers who experience difficulty because they are three hot chick lawyers.


Tuesday, October 22

8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

When vengeance demon Anya pulls a particularly gruesome trick, the Scoobies stage a vengeful intervention.


Wednesday, October 23

9:00 ABC THE BACHELOR

A pack of truly sad women fight over a gorgeous hunky man, which makes me wonder, "Where's MY fawking TV show??"

The bathroom is down the hall to the right. E-mail steve@thestranger.com