8:00 5 Friends: Phoebe knows about Monica and Chandler but pretends that she doesn't know, even though Monica and Chandler know that she knows! And hence... hilarity ensues!
9:35 TBS The Chimp Channel: Funny dressed-up chimps do parodies of The X-Files, E.R., and The Full Monty.
8:00 13 Guinness World Records: Featuring the Jim Rose Sideshow freak, Mr. Lifto (and no, he probably won't be lifting anything with his pee-pee).
10:00 BRV Awful Truth: Host Michael Moore uses this episode to pick out some nice house-warming gifts for Bill Gates' mansion.
8:30 4 Big Moment: To win fabulous prizes, a man must recite "pi" to the 100th decimal point, and juggle bottles of acid while being chased by an angry dog.
9:00 USA Happy Hour: Karaoke fun, tonight with Linda "The Exorcist" Blair, and Danica "Winnie Cooper" McKellar.
7:00 VH1 Donna Summer: Live & More Encore!: A live concert starring disco's #1 diva, Donna Summer.
8:00 TNT TV Movie: Pirates of Silicon Valley (1999). Geeks go to war in this movie documenting the battles between Apple's Steve Jobs (E.R.'s Noah Wyle) and ĂĽber-nerd Bill Gates (The Breakfast Club's Anthony Michael Hall).
8:00 BRV Count of Monte Cristo: Big-nosed Gerard Depardieu stars in this four-part mini-series based on Alexandre Dumas' favorite kind of sandwich.
10:00 MTV Road Rules: Debut! The kids set sail on a boat to Cuba (a good thing, since the Winnebago needs to be deloused).
9:00 MTV The Real World: It's the gang's first day in Honolulu, so expect casual nudity, a couple of fistfights, and at least one alcoholic overdose.
8:00 4 Dharma & Greg: Dharma suspects that her childhood dolls are trying to kill her--either that, or someone dosed her patchouli.
10:00 DSC Project X: The Castration Project: Experts discuss this controversial criminal rehabilitation process. Also: helpful do-it-yourself tips for those with pets and/or teens.
