Thursday, Dec 19

8:00 CBS SURVIVOR THAILAND

Why can't they simply decide it with a machete fight to the death?

8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: STEVEN SEAGAL

Hollywood's thickest leading actor demonstrates how to kick ass and look like you're taking a crap at the same time.


Friday, Dec 20

9:00 CBS HACK

Hack, the disgraced cop turned cabbie, gets his Christmas prayers answered when he gets to beat the crap out of a crackhead.


Saturday, Dec 21

8:00 CBS TOUCHED ON THE SWIMSUIT AREA BY AN ANGEL

A very special holiday episode--but not for Jews, okay? Just for Christians.

8:00 ABC SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER--Movie

Takes us back to the good ol' days, when Travolta wasn't the size of a house and could still cut a rug.


Sunday, Dec 22

9:00 WB ANGEL

Angel and the gang celebrate the holidays by roasting a demon's chestnuts over an open fire.

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Sydney questions the sincerity of her mother's goodwill gesture and looks really hot.


Monday, Dec 23

10:00 CBS CSI: MIAMI

Horatio discovers an unwelcome surprise on Christmas day... Santa's bag is filled with bloody guts!


Tuesday, Dec 24

9:00 WB SMALLVILLE

Clark cries like a baby when his "parents" tell him all about when they found him in a cornfield.

10:30 MTV THE OSBOURNES

The Osbourne family wishes their viewers "a merry ****ing Xmas, and a bloody ****ing New Year!" Goodness, the language.


Wednesday, Dec 25

9:00 NBC THE WEST WING

Why do they always have to show repeats on Christmas day? They're TV characters, for crap's sake! They don't need vacations!


Thursday, Dec 26

8:00 NBC FRIENDS

Chandler gets mad when Monica buys expensive boots more tanned and leathery than she is.

9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE

Jack is touched almost beyond belief when he receives a brand new bottle of lube and a tiger-striped thong.

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