8:00 CBS STAR SEARCH Can someone please tell Arsenio Hall to lose the Jheri curl? Thank you.
8:00 FOX FASTLANE When Van is taken hostage, he depends on a wet-behind-the-ears rookie to... wait. Can't they do another episode about hot lesbian bank robbers?
8:00 DSC EXTREME FUNERALS Whoa! Dude! Some people have funerals that are like really... like... I don't know... EXTREME!
3:00 ABC SUPER BOWL XXXVII Starring Carlos Santana, Michelle Branch, Beyoncé Knowles, the Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, No Doubt... and I think a couple of teams are gonna play football, too.
8:00 ABC VERITAS: THE QUEST Debut! A father/son team races to uncover the mystery of an ancient civilization who zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL As the nationwide auditions continue, Simon attempts to drive the suicide rate up three percentage points.
9:00 WB ANGEL In order to spur a transformation, the gang must provide Angel with a moment of perfect happiness. (Wow... vampires like blowjobs, too?)
Waitasecond... I'm #18?!? firstname.lastname@example.org