Thursday, Sept 16

9:00 13 ACTION
Debut! All hail this new, dirty dirty sitcom about a Hollywood asshole starring Jerry Maguire asshole Jay Mohr!


Friday, Sept 17

11:30 HBO CHRIS ROCK
Season Premiere! America's last funny stand-up comedian returns with an all-new season of butt-gusting hilarity.


Saturday, Sept 18

6:00 PPV BOXING
Undefeated pugilistic dreamboat Oscar De La Hoya takes on the similarly undefeated Felix Trinidad in this pay-per-view fight of the year!

10:00 11 BATTLE DOME
Debut! More violence of the amateur variety when schlubs go up against beefcakes in extreme sports.


Sunday, Sept 19

8:00 7 JUDGING AMY
Debut! Amy "NYPD Blue" Brenneman stars as working-class judge and single mom. Hilarity does not ensue.

10:00 4 THE PRACTICE
Last season's bizarro finale in which all the bad guys put on costumes and turn into super-villains.


Monday, Sept 20

4:00 16 QUEEN LATIFAH
Debut! The godmother of rap gets her own talk show.

9:00 22 SAFE HARBOR
Debut! Starring Gonzo from Trapper John, M.D. and just like 7th Heaven -- but worse.

9:00 5 LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
Debut! An L&O spinoff which focuses on depressing sex crimes. Now, where did I put that Prozac?


Tuesday, Sept 21

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Another previously unseen episode postponed because of Columbine, in which Buffy tries on trench coats. Recommended!

9:00 13 WHEN GOOD TIMES GO BAD
Fabio gets struck by a bird while riding a rollercoaster (and I swear to God, I'm not making this up).

10:00 4 ONCE AND AGAIN
Debut! Herskovitz and Zwick (thirtysomething, Relativity) try again with this dramedy about single parents. Catch it before it's canceled!


Wed, Sept 22

9:00 5 WEST WING
Debut! A behind-the-scenes White House drama starring Rob "St. Elmo's Fire" Lowe!

9:00 11 STAR TREK: VOYAGER
Season Premiere! Cap'n Janeway returns with a whole new season of transporter mishaps.

9:30 4 OH, GROW UP!
Debut! "I don't grow up, I shut up, and when I look at you? I throw up. Nyaah."

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