8:00 13 NIGHT OF THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN
18th-century villagers lose their heads when a mean guy with a neck stump rides into town.

9:30 13 ACTION
One full hour of hilarious Action action! First, a new episode in which Peter fears he has cancer, followed by the classic where a famous action hero licks Peter's pickle.

8:00 7 PEANUTS
"It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" -- at least that's what Linus says before the gang has him committed.

10:15 TNT FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC -- Movie
(1987) V.C. Andrews' incestuous classic about very naughty children.

2:30 AMC GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO -- Movie
(1968) Monster Zero?!? I hate that dick! Kick his ass, Godzilla!!

5:05 TBS POLTERGEIST -- Movie
(1982) Christ, if this house was on the market in Seattle? It would sell for 400 grand in five minutes.

8:00 TNT CARRIE -- Movie
(1976) Time for prom! Don't forget the limo, the corsage, and... oh, yes! The bucket of pig's blood.

11:00 USA HALLOWEEN -- Movie
(1978) The first and still the best of the horny teenager/slasher flicks.

8:00 13 THE SIMPSONS
The tenth "Trilogy of Terror" featuring Homer and Marge covering up Ned Flanders' death in "I Know What You Diddly-Iddly-Did Last Summer."

9:00 13 THE X-FILES
Here's the creepy and previously banned X-Files episode where Scully and Mulder take on murderous inbred hillbillies. Recommended!

9:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL
Ling gets ho-nee for Ally in this lesbo-riffic episode.

7:30 16 NBA BASKETBALL
The Seattle SuperSonics take on the L.A. Clippers in their first game of the season. (Already?? Why can't they do us a favor and go on strike first?)

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Buffy hardly notices the difference when someone spikes her Pabst Blue Ribbon with demon pee.

9:00 11 STAR TREK: VOYAGER
Cap'n Janeway is at wit's end when Tuvok (the black Spock) starts bawling like a goddam baby.