Thursday, Nov 18

8:00 5 FRIENDS
New roomie Elle Macpherson is in, which means Joey's a puss and Chandler is a macho shithead.

8:00 13 BUSTED ON THE JOB 4
On the job surveillance cameras catch an in-store Santa getting it on with an elf.

10:00 5 E.R.
Alan Alda's last heartfelt episode. Boo-fawking-hoo!


Friday, Nov 19

8:30 4 WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
America's second favorite game show (after Arena of Brains), in which contestants vie for a million bucks by answering questions about condiments.

10:00 4 20/20
Barbara Walters' tearful interview with Dudley Moore about his terminal brain disease. You know, maybe I'll just shoot myself in the nuts instead.


Saturday, Nov 20

10:00 7 WALKER, TEXAS RANGER
Pro wrestler and Slim Jim spokesman Randy "Macho Man" Savage guest-stars as an escaped convict.


Sunday, Nov 21

5:00 NIK THE POINT -- Cartoon
(1971) The classic boo-hoo cartoon about a round-headed kid who's kicked out of town because his head ain't pointy.

7:15 TBS THE WIZARD OF OZ -- Movie
(1939) Colorblind girl gets hit by screen door and goes into a hallucinatory coma. Unfortunately, she recovers.

9:00 5 Y2K: THE MOVIE
(1999) Ken "thirtysomething" Olin in the Y2K scenario everyone is dreading: His ATM is busted, and he can't get his automatic coffeemaker to work!


Monday, Nov 22

9:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL

Ally's parents and workmates converge for a Thanksgiving dinner fiasco, and supposedly, hilarity ensues (but I doubt it).


Tuesday, Nov 23

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Yay! It's a Thanksgiving slaughter when zombie Native Americans take tommy-hawk revenge on honky pilgrim ancestors.

9:00 22 ANGEL
Buffy visits Angel in L.A.! Will the two get back together or is this simply another idiotic sweeps-week stunt? YOU BE THE JUDGE!


Wednesday, Nov 24

8:00 7 CELINE DION: ALL THE WAY
I'm sorry, but Celine Dion is the LAST person I want to see do ANYTHING "all the way."

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