8:00 5 FRIENDS
New roomie Elle Macpherson is in, which means Joey's a puss and Chandler is a macho shithead.
8:00 13 BUSTED ON THE JOB 4
On the job surveillance cameras catch an in-store Santa getting it on with an elf.
10:00 5 E.R.
Alan Alda's last heartfelt episode. Boo-fawking-hoo!
8:30 4 WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
America's second favorite game show (after Arena of Brains), in which contestants vie for a million bucks by answering questions about condiments.
10:00 4 20/20
Barbara Walters' tearful interview with Dudley Moore about his terminal brain disease. You know, maybe I'll just shoot myself in the nuts instead.
10:00 7 WALKER, TEXAS RANGER
Pro wrestler and Slim Jim spokesman Randy "Macho Man" Savage guest-stars as an escaped convict.
5:00 NIK THE POINT -- Cartoon
(1971) The classic boo-hoo cartoon about a round-headed kid who's kicked out of town because his head ain't pointy.
7:15 TBS THE WIZARD OF OZ -- Movie
(1939) Colorblind girl gets hit by screen door and goes into a hallucinatory coma. Unfortunately, she recovers.
9:00 5 Y2K: THE MOVIE
(1999) Ken "thirtysomething" Olin in the Y2K scenario everyone is dreading: His ATM is busted, and he can't get his automatic coffeemaker to work!
9:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL
Ally's parents and workmates converge for a Thanksgiving dinner fiasco, and supposedly, hilarity ensues (but I doubt it).
8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Yay! It's a Thanksgiving slaughter when zombie Native Americans take tommy-hawk revenge on honky pilgrim ancestors.
9:00 22 ANGEL
Buffy visits Angel in L.A.! Will the two get back together or is this simply another idiotic sweeps-week stunt? YOU BE THE JUDGE!
8:00 7 CELINE DION: ALL THE WAY
I'm sorry, but Celine Dion is the LAST person I want to see do ANYTHING "all the way."