9:00 5 MACY'S PARADE
Featuring balloon caricatures of Bullwinkle, Spiderman, and Al Roker's prostate.
8:00 5 FRIENDS
Monica's parents hate Chandler, and justifiably so! He's a big POTHEAD!
10:00 5 E.R.
Nurse Hathaway's twins are ready to pop! Prepare for a surprise visit from deadbeat dad, George Clooney!
8:00 7 RICKY MARTIN: ONE NIGHT ONLY
I assume the "one night only" refers to the amount of time he's pretending to be heterosexual.
8:00 TNT SIXTEEN CANDLES--Movie
(1984) Molly Ringwald's birthday is almost ruined--but is rescued by the appearance ofÉ Long Duck Dong! (Gonnnng!)
8:30 29 PRO MEXICAN WRESTLING
Talk about being thankful! What more do I have to say?
9:00 4 THE LAST FLING
Portly bachelor yuppie John Ritter (Three's Company) gets his nasty-ass groove on with foxy octogenarian Connie Sellecca.
9:00 5 MEN IN BLACK--Movie
(1997) Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith battle alien assholes in this boring movie based on the boring comic of the same boring name.
10:00 4 THE PRACTICE
When Jimmy decides he needs to procreate, the firm holds an emergency meeting, and decides to give him a vasectomy in his sleep.
8:00 TBS TO RUSSIA WITH LOVE--Movie
(1963) James Bond convinces a beautiful Russian spy to defect--INTO HIS PANTS!
10:00 COM STRANGERS WITH CANDY
Jeri, the 42-year-old ex-prostitute and high school freshman, tries to make friends the old-fashioned way--with crystal meth.
8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Buffy's attempts to slay a gang of sorority vampires are thwarted when they ask her to pledge.
9:00 22 ANGEL
Demons from Amway kidnap Angel and force him to sell big boxes of laundry detergent.