Thursday, Dec 23

10:00 7 48 Hours

Yay! A special report on my favorite holiday hobby -- binge drinking!! Waitasecond... they are PRO binge drinking, aren't they?


Friday, Dec 24

6:00 am SCI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA MARATHON

Twenty-one hours of Apollo, Starbuck, and Lorne Greene! It's like I died and gone to heaven!

8:00 5 IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE -- Movie

(1946) Jimmy Stewart stars in this holiday classic, in which he suffers massive hallucinations after ingesting "Zuzu petals."

11:00 AMC A CHRISTMAS CAROL -- Movie

(1951) The version starring Alastair Sim as Scrooge. Sorry, Sim -- you're no Mr. Magoo!


Saturday, Dec 25

6:30 AMC SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS -- Movie

(1964) When green-blooded Martians attack Earth, Santa is forced to drop a bowl full of jelly on their ass.


Sunday, Dec 26

8:00 7 TOUCHED ON THE SWIMSUIT AREA BY AN ANGEL

Now that Christmas is over, the angels go back to their original jobs as crack-ho strippers.

9:00 4 FLIRTING WITH DISASTER -- Movie

(1996) Starring Ben Stiller, Patricia Arquette, and Mary Tyler Moore giving George Segal a blowjob.


Monday, Dec 27

9:00 13 ALLY MCBEAL

In this episode, many jokes are recycled from previous episodes, to detrimental effect.

9:00 TNN DUKES OF HAZZARD

Boss Hogg intends on embezzling $1,000,000 from the bank, and it's up to those homoerotic Duke Boys to stop him!


Tuesday, Dec 28

8:00 UPN KILLERS IN THE WATER

Deadly sea beasties, including killer octopi, dangerous squids, and tainted oysters.

9:00 13 WORLD'S FUNNIEST PARTY DISASTERS

Like that time on the Hindenburg? Hoo-boy, my sides are still aching from that one!


Wednesday, Dec 29

8:00 TNT RED DAWN

(1984) Get Y2K compliant with Patrick Swayze, a town full of commies, and C. Thomas Howell drinking fresh deer's blood.

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