Thursday, March 2

9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

Behind the life of the '70s' favorite motorcycle-jumpin' daredevil, Evel Kneivel.

11:00 VH1 SOUL TRAIN: THE DANCE YEARS

Comb out your 'fro, and shake that funky ass DOWN with Don Cornelius and classic clips from Sooooooooooul Train!


Friday, March 3

9:00 13 GREED

Tonight, a special edition of this game show featuring the questions that really matter... TV trivia!

9:30 BRV TRAINSPOTTING -- Movie

The indie flick of '96, starring Ewan McGregor as a toilet-diving heroin junkie.


Saturday, March 4

3:00 22 THE DEFENDER -- Movie

It's nut-kickin' karate action when Jet Li is hired as a bodyguard to a gorgeous murder witness.

4:00 33 EIGHT IS ENOUGH MARATHON

Seven beautiful hours of the Van Patten clan. (Tune in at 9:00 for the Ralph Macchio episode!)


Sunday, March 5

8:00 13 TV GUIDE AWARDS

Predictable awards for predictable actors as chosen by predictable TV Guide readers.

9:00 HBO IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK II -- Movie

(2000) This sequel focuses on the lives of everybody's favorite subject... those darling, delightful dykes!


Monday, March 6

8:00 4 BROKEN ARROW -- Movie

(1996) Christian Slater and Barbarino mix it up in this John Woo vehicle about stolen nukes.


Tuesday, March 7

8:00 11 SECRET AGENT MAN

Debut! A new series produced by Barry Sonnenfeld (Men in Black) that might not be as shitty as his movie (Men in Black).

10:00 4 NYPD BLUE

Danny starts to develop mental problems, which might explain why I can never understand a goddam thing he's talking about.


Wednesday, March 8

2:00 A&E MAGNUM, P.I.

Did I mention that I appreciate Tom Selleck's booshy moostache?

9:00 33 TOUCHED ON THE SWIMSUIT AREA BY AN ANGEL

A young fighter thinks he can't beat anyone -- until he meets the Parkinson's-afflicted Muhammad Ali!

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