9:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY
Behind the life of the '70s' favorite motorcycle-jumpin' daredevil, Evel Kneivel.
11:00 VH1 SOUL TRAIN: THE DANCE YEARS
Comb out your 'fro, and shake that funky ass DOWN with Don Cornelius and classic clips from Sooooooooooul Train!
9:00 13 GREED
Tonight, a special edition of this game show featuring the questions that really matter... TV trivia!
9:30 BRV TRAINSPOTTING -- Movie
The indie flick of '96, starring Ewan McGregor as a toilet-diving heroin junkie.
3:00 22 THE DEFENDER -- Movie
It's nut-kickin' karate action when Jet Li is hired as a bodyguard to a gorgeous murder witness.
4:00 33 EIGHT IS ENOUGH MARATHON
Seven beautiful hours of the Van Patten clan. (Tune in at 9:00 for the Ralph Macchio episode!)
8:00 13 TV GUIDE AWARDS
Predictable awards for predictable actors as chosen by predictable TV Guide readers.
9:00 HBO IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK II -- Movie
(2000) This sequel focuses on the lives of everybody's favorite subject... those darling, delightful dykes!
8:00 4 BROKEN ARROW -- Movie
(1996) Christian Slater and Barbarino mix it up in this John Woo vehicle about stolen nukes.
8:00 11 SECRET AGENT MAN
Debut! A new series produced by Barry Sonnenfeld (Men in Black) that might not be as shitty as his movie (Men in Black).
10:00 4 NYPD BLUE
Danny starts to develop mental problems, which might explain why I can never understand a goddam thing he's talking about.
2:00 A&E MAGNUM, P.I.
Did I mention that I appreciate Tom Selleck's booshy moostache?
9:00 33 TOUCHED ON THE SWIMSUIT AREA BY AN ANGEL
A young fighter thinks he can't beat anyone -- until he meets the Parkinson's-afflicted Muhammad Ali!