Thursday, June 22

8:00 ABC MASTER OF CHAMPIONSDebut! An assortment of freaks competes in this talent show based on the bizarro Japanese TV series!9:30 NBC THE OFFICEAnother terrific repeat featuring Michael taking the employees on a drunken booze cruise.

Friday, June 23

9:30 COM SOUTH PARKDon't miss this repeat episode where Chef is lured into a child-molesting cult (which is nothing like the Scientologists).

Saturday, June 24

8:00 FOX COPSA man is in fear for his life from his drunken, violent, and belligerent wife. See, it's funny, because she's a WOMAN!9:00 SCI ANDROID APOCALYPSE—Movie(2006) Man and android learn to get along in a post-apocalyptic wilderness. I don't care what anyone says—androids BLOW.

Sunday, June 25

9:30 FOX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIAThe gang has some fun with the news that Charlie was molested by his gym teacher.10:30 HBO LUCKY LOUIECheck out this hilariously dirty sitcom, starring very funny comedian Louis C.K.!

Monday, June 26

8:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHENIt's two full hours of sweet, sweet humiliation when Chef Ramsay pits the guys against the girls—plus another chef has a mental breakdown over an undercooked plate of noodles.

Tuesday, June 27

9:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDINGThe comics are given a spontaneity exam on the Adam Carolla radio show.10:00 COM DOG BITES MANCheck out this funny cross between Reno 911 and The Daily Show, about a dimwitted local news team.

Wednesday, June 28

8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCEA glorious two-hour episode featuring the top 16 dancers (many of whom dance like they're epileptics).10:00 SPIKE BLADE: THE SERIESDebut! Finally! The awesome vampire film comes to TV! (Wait. There's no Wesley Snipes? Forget it.)Send your nacho-flavored notes to steve@thestranger.com.