10:00 11 M*A*S*H: Look, every other show is in reruns, so you might as well watch Klinger in a dress.


Friday, March 5

5:05 TBS Movie: Ghost (1990). The brilliant Patrick Swayze dies a horrible, senseless death--but insists on returning to earth to visit that hag, Demi Moore.

9:30 VH1 Behind the Music: The Grateful Dead. Speaking of which, how many Deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10,001. One to screw it in, and 10,000 to follow the one that's burnt out.


Saturday, March 6

10:00 TNT Movie: Carrie (1976). High school kids learn a very valuable lesson: "Never dump pigs blood on telekinetic nerds."

Sunday, March 7

9:00 13 X-Files: Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple, and to get into character, decide not to have sex.


Monday, March 8

7:30 VH1 Rock Candy: Debut! A quirky new rock music newsmagazine. This week: Brian Jonestown Massacre goes (finally!) to a psychotherapist!

8:30 11 Redhanded: Debut! Loveline's Adam Corolla tricks people into doing devious things, and then sets them up to get caught. Bastard.


Tuesday, March 9

10:00 4 Strange World: Another "Oooh, the government's out to get me. I'm soooooo scared!" show.


Wednesday, March 10

8:00 7 More True Stories from Touched on the Swimsuit Area by an Angel: Hosts Roma Downey and Della Reese introduce stories about people who either enjoy the show, or don't like being touched "down there."