8:00 5 FRIENDS

Season finale! Chandler is about to pop the question to Monica when Tom Selleck walks back in! Damn his gorgeous booshy moostache!

10:00 5 E.R.

Season finale! Carter pitches a hissy-fit in front of everybody, just because he was stabbed with a knife. Boo, hoo, hoo!

8:00 7 DUKES OF HAZZARD: HAZZARD IN HOLLYWOOD--Movie

(2000) Them gol'durn Duke boys head to Hollywood to raise money--by selling their booty on the streets!

10:00 5 LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT

Season finale! The detectives chase after a psychotic rapist...zzzzzzz.

8:00 4 AIR FORCE ONE--Movie

(1997) Wimpy President Harrison Ford turns into a macho ass-kicker when terrorists take over his plane.

8:00 DSC POLAR BEAR ATTACK!

Cuddly bears turn into macho ass-biters when humans take over their territory.

9:00 5 GROWING UP BRADY--Movie

(2000) Sex, drugs, and incest on the set of The Brady Bunch. Based on Barry "Greg" Williams' book!

10:00 4 THE PRACTICE

Season finale! Bobby and Lindsay finally get married, and you'll cry with boredom.

8:00 A&E BIOGRAPHY

Spotlighting Hollywood's hunkiest leading man, Patrick "Dirty Dancing" Swayze! EEEEEEEEE! I may just DIE!

10:00 7 48 HOURS

A special report on old people having sex. Okay... ewww.

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Season finale! The gang gets the holy bejeezus scared out of them when their nightmares attack them!

9:00 4 NYPD BLUE

A special two-hour episode (which means it's twice as confusing as a normal episode)!

8:00 22 DAWSON'S CREEK

Season finale! Joey is torn: Should she love Pacey (the tubby bowl of pudding) or Dawson (the dork whose head is shaped like a mushed pumpkin)?