Thursday, July 6

8:00 CBS BIG BROTHER: ALL-STARS

Season premiere! Twenty former washups return to compete—which is like a dog returning to lap up its own vomit.

Friday, July 7

10:00 USA PSYCH

Debut! A young smart ass with sharp deductive abilities fools the cops into thinking he's psychic. Stupid cops.

Saturday, July 8

9:00 SCI-FI SLAYER—Movie

(2006) It's Casper (Van Dien) the Vampire Slayer to the rescue when undead bloodsuckers bite his pal.

Sunday, July 9

9:00 COM CHAPPELLE'S SHOW

Season premiere! Here are the so-called "lost" episodes that Chappelle himself thought were too crappy for broadcast. Thanks, Comedy Central!

Monday, July 10

8:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN

Chef Ramsay begs, BEGS the contestants to finish just ONE dinner service without emptying the restaurant.

Tuesday, July 11

9:00 CBS ROCKSTAR: SUPERNOVA

Good luck to Northwest homegirl, Storm Large! (The rest of the contestants can suck it.)

Wednesday, July 12

10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

Season premiere! A brand-new gang of designers line up to impress the pants off Heidi Klum.

steve@thestranger.com