Thursday, July 6
8:00 CBS BIG BROTHER: ALL-STARS
Season premiere! Twenty former washups return to compete—which is like a dog returning to lap up its own vomit.
Friday, July 7
10:00 USA PSYCH
Debut! A young smart ass with sharp deductive abilities fools the cops into thinking he's psychic. Stupid cops.
Saturday, July 8
9:00 SCI-FI SLAYER—Movie
(2006) It's Casper (Van Dien) the Vampire Slayer to the rescue when undead bloodsuckers bite his pal.
Sunday, July 9
9:00 COM CHAPPELLE'S SHOW
Season premiere! Here are the so-called "lost" episodes that Chappelle himself thought were too crappy for broadcast. Thanks, Comedy Central!
Monday, July 10
8:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
Chef Ramsay begs, BEGS the contestants to finish just ONE dinner service without emptying the restaurant.
Tuesday, July 11
9:00 CBS ROCKSTAR: SUPERNOVA
Good luck to Northwest homegirl, Storm Large! (The rest of the contestants can suck it.)
Wednesday, July 12
10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY
Season premiere! A brand-new gang of designers line up to impress the pants off Heidi Klum.