Thursday, March 118:00 11 TV Academy Hall of Fame: The greatest names in television are celebrated--though they'll probably forget to mention Tootie from The Facts of Life.

10:00 7 Bumper to Bumper: A KIRO 7 documentary blaming Seattle's increasing traffic congestion on the fact that there are more cars on the road. Duh.Friday, March 125:00 13 Judge Judy: Today's cases include: A lying fat fundamentalist preacher, and an innocent television columnist who is as pure as driven snow.

10:00 TNT Movie: The French Connection (1971). The classic Gene Hackman film which celebrates two of America's favorite pastimes: sniffing coke and crashing cars! Yeee-HAW!Saturday, March 136:00 PPV Boxing: In a heavyweight unification bout, Evander "Lend me your ear" Holyfield takes on Lennox "My dreadlocks make me look like a girl" Lewis.Sunday, March 149:00 USA First Wave: Debut! Another show where aliens think they can come to earth and take jobs away from hard working Americans!

10:00 USA Farscape: Debut! A new show that sounds a lot like a remake of the sci-fi classic Far Out Space Nuts.Monday, March 159:00 22 Rescue 77: Debut! Über-producer Aaron Spelling's remake of Emergency! featuring hunky L.A. paramedics!

9:30 7 Payne: Debut! John Larroquette stars in this remake of Fawlty Towers. (Enough with the remakes already!!)Tuesday, March 168:00 22 Buffy the Vampire Slayer: When Buffy finds out that Faith is now working for the dark side, Buffy promptly disinvites her to her sleep-over.

9:00 13 Guinness World Records: Featuring the largest tumor ever removed from a body! (Yum! What's for dinner?)Wednesday, March 178:30 VH1 Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame: As usual they let in hacks like Paul McCartney and Bruce Springsteen, and completely ignore Katrina and the Waves!

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