Thursday, April 22
8:00 5 Friends: Ross continues the trend of making a jackass out of himself by macking on the pizza delivery girl.
8:00 11 TV Movie: Dying to Live (1999). Jonathan Frakes (Cap'n Shitcan from Star Trek: Next Gen) stars as an angel who helps a dead teen by embarrassing her mean friends on earth.
Friday, April 23
8:00 7 Kids Say the Darndest Things: Bill Cosby asks kids to comment on the parallels between the Bible and Mexican food.
8:00 13 Guinness World Records: The Brady kids compete for a rowboat and sewing machine by building the world's largest house of cards. ("Marcia! Your bracelet!!")
Saturday, April 24
6:30 11 Scared Straight: 20 Years Later: Don't miss this rebroadcast of the best foul-mouthed prime-time special of the year! Recommended!
7:00 AMC Movie: Teenage Devil Dolls (1952). A '50s melodrama about teenage chicks hooked on smack!
Sunday, April 25
8:00 VH1 Behind the Music: Julian Lennon mouths off about his pop and Yoko Ono.
9:00 13 X-Files: David Duchovny wrote and directed this episode about goddam aliens invading America's favorite pastime (and no, it's not prostate massage!).
Monday, April 26
8:30 11 Home Movies: Debut! A new cartoon from the people who do Dr. Katz (which has gotta be funnier than FOX's stinko The Family Guy).
9:00 13 Ally McBeal: Georgia is pleased with her and Billy's visit to the therapist (Rosie O'Donnell)... especially since she lets Ally kick the crap out of him!
Tuesday, April 27
8:00 22 Buffy the Vampire Slayer: After battling a Jell-O devil, Buffy discovers she can read minds (Hey! Why can't I ever fight a Jell-O devil?)!
10:00 4 NYPD Blue: Gail O'Grady returns (she used to be the secretary, remember?) and helps the boys in a sneaky sting to arrest some crooks.
Wednesday, April 28
9:00 13 Party of Five: Julia discovers the benefits of lesbianism after smooching her writing teacher! Ooooooooh!