Thursday, Sept 28
8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
Season premiere! Clark is sentenced to jail in another dimension, where the inmates think he has "real purty mouth."
Sunday, Oct 1
8:30 CW THE GAME
Debut! Just in case you're ever in a really tough trivia match, this show is a spinoff of Girlfriends. Which you've never heard of.
Monday, Oct 2
9:00 ABC THE BACHELOR
Season premiere! The bachelorettes are ecstatic to be in Rome with a handsome guy—until half of them are sent home for being too ugly. HAW!
Tuesday, Oct 3
8:00 NBC FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
Debut! A small high-school football team prepares for their first big game with some locker room ass grabbing.
Wednesday, Oct 4
9:00 ABC LOST
Season premiere! Jack, Kate, and Sawyer are imprisoned—until they can figure out some way of making this show interesting again.
E-mail: Not for old people! steve@thestranger.com