Thursday, December 27

8:00 WB POPSTARS 2

The new band finds its first national appearance to be especially trying while carrying pantsloads of poop.

9:00 TLC SPORTS DISASTERS II

On-the-spot video of snapping legs, crushing skulls, and the occasional kick in the grab-bag.


Friday, December 28

9:00 ABC DOMINO DAY 2001

An international team attempts to break the world record for the largest domino display in the most pathetically boring show ever televised.

9:00 VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC

Take a reflective trip down the highway to hell with Aussie supergroup AC/DC!


Saturday, December 29

8:00 UPN PREDATOR--Movie

(1987) Arnold's military mission to the jungle goes down the crapper when he's pursued by an ugly-as-shit inviso-monster!

8:00 TNT FOOTLOOSE--Movie

(1984) Kevin Bacon's need to dance is sorely tested by a town full of Snoozy McFuddy-Duddys.


Sunday, December 30

7:00 SCI GODZILLA VS. SPACE GODZILLA--Movie

(1994) Godzilla gets really pissed when his cousin, Space Godzilla, moves in and starts rearranging his closets.

8:30 TOON JUSTICE LEAGUE

On top of the Justice League's list of New Year's resolutions? Kick Aquaman's ass!!


Monday, December 31

8:00 FAM OUR LIPS ARE SEALED--Movie

(2000) Mary-Kate and Ashley are enrolled in the FBI's witness-protection program to stop them from tearing each other's hair out.

10:00 ABC DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE

Instead of dropping the shiny ball from the top of Times Square, Dick promises to drop his colostomy bag. (And he's been saving up for it... all year!)


Tuesday, January 1

Noon FAM ALIAS MARATHON

Every episode of America's favorite spy/college-student show (also known as La Femme Felicity).


Wednesday, January 2

9:00 FOX BERNIE MAC

On the first day of school, the kids make the unfortunate error of "playing sick." And here comes Bernie's belt!