10. "Music exalts us and it is the glory of God."
9. "Artists that transcend and subvert genre glorify God and shall be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven."
8. "Electropop is fun and it glorifies God. I'd dance to it myself if my bones weren't so stiff and brittle."
7. "All pets are now permitted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Pets that play the piano glorify God and He loves them very much."
6. "Sacred music can be very boring at times, but it is in these moments of acute boredom when we are closest to God."
5. "Even poorly attended shows exalt and glorify God. God attends all your shows."
4. "Life is shaped like an egg, with no beginning or end. Death is shaped like a pretzel, with neither start nor finish."
3. "Bucket drummers exalt and glorify God and His Eternal Kingdom of Heaven. But so, too, does silence."
2. "Space travel is an affront to God. No astronaut shall be permitted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
1. "Grunge is eternal and everlasting. Kurt is in heaven right now; God loves him very much and weeps for him."