1. Seattle Weekly

WHY: We forced them to go from a paid publication (75 per copy) to a free one in 1995; we mocked their new logo before its publication in 2001; we produced a parody of their 2001 "Best of Seattle" issue before it hit the streets. Other reasons: the hundreds of potshots and snide remarks we've made about them over the years, usually with little or no reason; and the handful of David vs. Goliath stories that have appeared over the years in the local press, inspiring Weekly contributing editor Knute Berger to fire off defensive, pissy letters about how the Seattle Weekly is a real paper filled with real journalism and The Stranger is not. Yay, Knute!

2. Mark Sidran

WHY: We repeatedly compared him to Satan, and Josh Feit said he wasn't funny.

3. Tablet

WHY: We refused to sponsor the Capitol Hill Block Party in 2000; we are "too mean"; we don't devote enough print space to their friends' businesses and bands.

4. The Seattle Times

WHY: We sided with labor, not wealthy asshole publishers who like to shoot their neighbor's dog.

5. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer

WHY: See above (though the P-I's publisher has yet to shoot a dog).

6. Q13 news anchor Leslie Miller

WHY: We appropriated her name for the parody column "Ramblin' Filler by Leslie Miller" without first licking her pasty, Muppety ass.

7. Ruth's Chris Steakhouse

WHY: We don't know. But it hurts.

8. Former Mayor Paul Schell

WHY: "Former."

9. The Seattle music community

WHY: Apparently we don't have enough good things to say about Seattle's shitty music scene.

10. Seattle Gay News

WHY: We have a fancy program on our computers called "spell check."