GET THEE TO A COLORIST! Faithful correspondent Mark spotted "hyperactive" Oscar winner and Pepsi-One hawker Cuba Gooding, Jr. outside Monorail Espresso, hanging out with Seattle's fave celebrity suck-up, John Curley, doing the Evening Magazine thing. Mark notes, "Cuba was extremely nice and polite, promoting that stupid Anthony Hopkins movie he's in [Instinct]. John chatted up the Monorail people--and BTW, Mr. Curley needs to get himself to his colorist! The gray is growing in--and fast!" You didn't hear it from me, Curley... oh, wait. You did.

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THREE GIRLS FOR EVERY BOY! That was the glorious scene opening weekend at Polly Esther's, which my friend Wm. Steven Humphrey described as "a gay club for hets" (and he enjoyed getting his fine ass cruised by the ladies for a change!). It was loud, it was hot, the dance floor was packed, and the fog machine was "out of control!" A successful start for a club that just last week was still putting the finishing touches on their '70s & '80s retro atmosphere--the Polly Esther's gang splurged at Rialto Movie Arts, buying Blaxploitation posters, Starsky & Hutch and Bionic Woman knick-knacks, and anything with "Cornelius" from Planet of the Apes on it. (Wait--one of Polly Esther's bigwigs is named Cornelius! You don't suppose...?? Nawww, couldn't be!!)

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HYGIENE 101: Tues 5/18, at Murphy's Pub in Wallingford, Bill Stainton of Almost Live "fame" was spotted in the men's room. Now, Bill seems like a really nice guy--and a fabulous TV producer to boot!--but it appears he's a bit... um... hygienically challenged. My spy reports: "Just as he finished his 'business' (of the stand-up variety) in the men's room, he stepped over to the sink--but didn't wash his hands! Instead, HE PUT ON LIP BALM!! Fortunately, considering where his hands had been, it appeared to be Chapstick, rather than Carmex." So friends, next time Bill offers to share his fries with you... THINK TWICE!

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TWO PEAS IN A POD:That's Q13 doll-baby anchor Leslie Miller and hunky Q13 sports gork Dan Devone--Thurs 5/20 there they were (she in full warpaint), stuffing their faces at the Triangle Tavern in Fremont! And the Saturday before that, they were taking in the sounds of Johnny Astro at the Baltic Room. And the Friday before that they were seen at Hollywood Video on Queen Anne--ON THEIR NIGHT OFF!--renting Women in Love. · · · Dan should've been around to defend his fair maiden last month (Sat 4/24), when, a witness tells me, Leslie was partying at dance club Babaloo's in Vancouver BC, "looking sharp in a little black suit." From out of nowhere, "a young woman grabbed Leslie's booty!! In response, angry Leslie grabbed said woman's dress and barked, 'That's not very funny!!'" And she's right. IT'S NOT!

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WISH I WAS THERE! Mmmm! Take a look at that mug! Don't you wish you had spotted Don McKellar, the cute Canadian who wrote, directed, and starred in Last Night? (He's also been in Pi, Exotica, etc.) Well, Don was one of the lesser-known luminaries in town for SIFF last week. The French, who know what's what, except perhaps in areas related to hygiene, threw him a party at their consulate, in a schmancy house in Denny Blaine--and you weren't invited! · · · Next week SIFF offers up stars even us rubes can recognize: watch for actresses Linda Hamilton, Brenda Blethen and Minnie Driver!

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This week's Stranger boxer shorts winner? It's that sneaky guy who ratted out Bill Stainton! So when the hell are we gonna get some SIFF gossip, huh?? shirley@thestranger.com