SPOTTED AT THE CRABCRACKER in Kirkland Tues 7/27: A diet-happy Grant Goodeve -- the former David Bradford from '80s TV staple Eight is Enough -- dining with family and friends. TTS spy Sierra reports: "He's shorter and more slight than that hunk David Bradford ever was!" Everyone was eating except Grant -- who only sipped his water. Even when dessert arrived -- an irresistible chocolate truffle, for cryin' out loud! -- everyone dug in except the austere Grant. (He better not be one o' them krazy vegans!) When the bill came his wife and the other couple figured things out -- while the dreamy Grant "stared off in the distance." ··· So besides his regular gig hosting KING-5 TV's Sunday night time-killer Northwest Backroads, what's Grant been up to? Why, "praiseful singing fun" -- in the 1995 Christian video series The Singing Place. Doesn't sound familiar? Here's the synopsis: "Master musicologist Reg (Grant Goodeve) and his pre-school puppet pal Spinky teach kids about God's love in this song-filled, values-instilling Christian video." I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.

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SHOW ME THE PEE-PEE! Hot & hunky actor Cuba Gooding Jr. is still in town. Last Tues 7/27 Stephanie caught up with Cuba at that palace of knick-knackery on the canal, the Yankee Diner in Ballard, where Cuba was presumably bulking up on Yankee Pot Roast. Then TTS-savvy Jason spots Cuba "incognito in a baseball cap" walking his dog, a big gray pit bull, near the fancy downtown Nordstrom. Jason tells me Cuba's pooch was happily "pissing all over every lamp post/street sign/pedestrian in the area."

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IF DOGS CAN PEE, WHY CAN'T WE? While we're on the subject, check out this hard-luck story: Last week Murder City Devils front man Spencer Moody was driving through Lacey (near Olympia) when nature called. He and a pal pulled into a Texaco, but found the potties locked up tight -- so in his urgency Spencer went around back to take care of business. Suddenly a disembodied voice bellows, "What are you doin' pullin' yer dick out in front of my girlfriend?!" UH-OH!! A big fat fist comes flying out of nowhere, right at his bespectacled face! Our boy got pounded, his glasses busted apart -- but fortunately Spencer had the wisdom to stay on his feet, thus avoiding redneck brutality of the kicking variety. Now poor Spencer's sporting a big fat shiner! But worst of all, he never even got to whiz!

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NAUGHTY LOCAL CELEB OF THE WEEK: A certain local radio personality was spotted at the Greenwood Ave liquor store last Tues 7/27. After getting into his very distinctive car, I'm told he looked around furtively -- then mixed himself a little drinky-poo for the road! How do I know this? Our naughty celeb neglected to check out the balcony of a nearby apartment... where certain Nosy Nellies had their TTS radar on!

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TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! If you spent $29 on a Sock Monkey at Restoration Hardware, well, first of all, you're an idiot. Second of all, take it out of your mouth -- it has needles in it! 12,000 of these prickly, overpriced Sock Monkeys have been recalled by the prickly, overpriced home furnishing chain because an 18-month-old baby girl in Utah injured her tender lip while attempting to nurse on the frightful beast! So bring your dangerous Sock Monkey back to Restoration Hardware for a refund. NOW!

Watch out for them Seafair Pirates! shirley@thestranger.com.