DON'T CALL ME LARRY! April simply swooned when she spotted hunky actor Laurence Fishburne browsing at Mario's on Sixth Ave, Fri 8/20. She says, "He looked HOT... navy trousers, untucked orange plaid shirt... just like in the movies, but BETTER!" Larry -- er, LAURENCE -- is in town on "Theatre" business -- he and fellow thesp Danny "I'm too old for this shit!" Glover are currently workshopping the new August Wilson play, King Hedley II, which will world-premiere at the Rep next March. Will Larry & Danny be back next spring? Yum! I suurre hope so!

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"MMM... HE SMELLED GOOD!" That's the verdict on luscious Earth Wind & Fire frontman Philip Bailey, courtesy of saucy Q13 newsie Lisa Myers. Seems Lisa & fellow talking head Christine Chen were sittin' in the bleachers at the EWF concert Thurs 8/19 when Philip sent a hunky escort to lead our unsuspecting TV beauty to the stage -- where (whimper) he set her down on a chair, handed her a glass of wine, and (gasp!) serenaded her with the 脺ber-romantic hit "Reasons" (lapse into unconsciousness)! Unbelievably, it wasn't a setup -- Mr. B spotted the fetching Lisa from across the pier. Like her Q13 pals, girl's got some serious charisma!

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"EVERYBODY IN VESTS": I hate that commercial.

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SPOTTED: Enjoying the Cher concert Sat 8/14 with a disco-dancin' pal, Q13 weatherhunk Jim Castillo, all decked out in Mardi Gras beads! Swanky! 路路路 Ex-Guns N' Roses rocker Duff McKagan, at the Two Union Tully's: He asked where to go to buy an "Armani suit," then came back for a latte and a chat -- the girls say he was sweet as pie! 路路路 100.7 FM "The Buzz" DJ Kennedy, driving a "HUGE mid-'60s white Buick. The white whale spewed tons of thick black exhaust!" Environmentally offended TTS spy Frankie sneers, "That crap don't play up here in the NW!" (Yeah -- discriminating Seattleites pollute exclusively with SUVs!) 路路路 Hotty du jour Jared "Jordan Catalano" Leto, at Metro in Bway Mkt, wearing skintight lime green pants (and a snotty-pants attitude to match!), looking at hair dye. Trying to improve his CRAPPY HAIRDO, maybe? 路路路 The Almost Live crew -- Bill Stainton and Pat Cashman (who's back mornings on KOMO AM 1000!) at Ballard Market shooting a skit -- and the way I hear it, the produce clerks were practically writing the script! Meantime, at the Bway Fred Meyer, John Keister was intently shopping for toilet seats! (HA! Ha, Ha, HA!! Waitasecond... where's the cameras? Hey, that was no skit!)

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INCOGNITO MUCH? Mon 8/16, Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs was in town, and his thick-necked P.R. flacks -- er, security guards -- made sure everybody knew it. TTS spy "Diggum" saw them "hassling normal folks" at the twin towers downtown, and says the flunkies let EVERYONE who never gave a shit know that they work for the physically impaired (i.e. skinny-ass runt) Puffy, and boy, is HE important! Some say America's Worst Rapper needs all the publicity he can get -- his new CD Forever is a big snore.

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CINDY CRAWFORD IN WOODINVILLE and nobody cares! At the $500/head Auction of NW Wines Sat 8/21 at Chateau Ste. Michelle, spiral-permed music man Kenny G sedated the moneyed audience, while Crawford looked ravishing in a "long black number." However, when it came time to auction off a visit to a modeling photo shoot with the aging supermodel, people got stingy. With all that cabbage floatin' around, all anybody would shell out was $16K! Hell, a dumb ol' dinner party went for $80K -- even though it came saddled with Kenny G's sax playing!

So many stars, so little time. shirley@thestranger.com.