NOTORIOUS JEFFS: This week all the Übercelebs have flown the coop -- aside from (yawwwwn) rocker Dave Matthews, munching out with his "skinny" gf at Wallingford Bakery. Sure, I got some, um, unsubstantiated reports, which, strangely, seem to concern has-been superstars of the '80s. First, Aladdin claims to have spotted bald, jolly, and LOADED Amazon.com honcho Jeff Bezos lunching at House of Hong with Minneapolis oddball and Prince protÉgÉ Morris Day ("Squawk! Hallelujah!"). Jeff was allegedly gushing, "Morris, you're our pitchman, brother!" I'm sure Morris wishes with all his heart that were true -- and nervous P.R. folks at Amazon are keeping mum about this harmonic convergence. ··· Then loyal TTS reporter James writes in on the ever-fertile Jeff Ament beat, claiming to have seen Mr. Pearl Jam shootin' hoops with MC "Can't Touch This" Hammer at Sound Mind & Body in Fremont. The morally dubious James says they were discussing "an upcoming benefit album for monkey vaccines -- Jeff will be doing the rapping... with Hammer on bass!" Hmmf!! Apparently some people think I'll print ANYTHING -- oh, wait. I will.

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RAIBLE RABBLE: In the Sunday Times/P-I comics 10/3, a favorite local celebrity showed up in the brilliant feature Eggers: manly KIRO 7 news anchor Mr. Steve Raible!

Naturally, this event requires a comment from the High Priest of the Cult of Raible: "And Lo! Here He reveals Himself as the egg incubating inside us all. Despite thine Imperfection, thou must strive to maintain that which is Good and Pure.... Feed thine inner Raible."

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SO YOU SEE what I have to deal with. That's why I'm taking this opportunity to present... the JOHN CURLEY WALL OF SHAME! These fabulous pictures of the KING 5 Even-ing Magazine stud were sent in by kind contributors. First is the notorious ass shot, ostensibly picturing Mr. Curley's tattoo -- his wife's nickname, "Bub," in a heart -- created by the talented Gypsy Jill of Capitol Hill's American Beauty Tattoos.

VERRRY NICE! Now, this second picture was sent in by an anonymous TTS snoop, and features Mr. Curley in a compromising position -- it seems a shapely spokesmodel wanted the Famous TV Guy to get a closer look, and... smoosh! Smothered in cleavage! Looks like SOMEBODY'S got some explaining to do!

Send me gossip or, I'm warning you, I'll have to get... CREATIVE! shirley@thestranger.com.