BIG FUN in store at ARO.space! Sources say the Tasty Boys have decided to install a state-of-the-art "absolutely frictionless" roller rink on the third floor! This ain't no Roller Boogie--it's "millennium-style entertainment"! The micro-smooth (and purple!) skating surface was created with technology developed for Japanese "mag-lev" bullet trains. The ride is ultra-smooth--some compare it to an air-hockey table--because your feet never actually touch the ground! Instead you hover a few millimeters off the floor, thanks to magnetic resistance!! OH! MY! GOD! In Japan these "rora-rinku" have been a big hit, especially in bars--where sloshed skaters fall down, but don't "go boom," because they never actually hit the deck!

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DRAW-STRING! Spotted in Old Navy, buying about a dozen pair of those figure-flattering drawstring shorts: modern-day pirate Dale Chihuly! He's simply mad for them!

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SPIRITUALIZED: Buzz morning radio personality Pat Cashman ain't long for the airwaves! Like singer Cat Stevens before him, Pat has embraced Islam. REALLY. Pat--who has changed his name to Imad al-Khaafidh (loosely "Pillar of the Abaser")--was more than happy to talk (and talk, and talk...) about his conversion. "It's a heck of a religion," he told me. "Now, I don't know about this Taliban nonsense, but it was a relief to get my daughter under wraps [referring to the concealing burqa worn by traditional women] now that the teenage boys are starting to come around." ··· Entercom bosses say after May 1 the wacky 100.7 FM morning crew will be headed up by former weathercaster Andy Wappler, who's "shown a knack for comedy. He's really a pretty funny guy once you get to know him!"

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ALPHABET SOUP: Sun 3/28 at 1:30 am, a trusted friend swears he saw Mr. X in Basic Plumbing, enjoying the company of someone I can only describe as... MR. Y!! Yes, the same X-wannabe I "exposed" a few weeks back in this column! I guess it was just a matter of time... but stranger still, I'm told the two pasty newsboys were joined by a buffed-up black guy clad in nothing but a mohawk and 50 lbs. of gold chains!! Dare I say... Mr. T?

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DAN SAVAGE will soon cross over from print to television! ABC has ordered 12 episodes of Sav's dubiously titled sitcom, Strange Fruit--it could hit the air as early as this summer! (Hey, Dan! Ask for Ellen's old time slot!) The premise is simple: Dan plays gay Pike Place Market produce dealer "Dan Hollahan," who gives steamy love and sex advice to his customers. ABC has lined up a cadre of stars to back Dan: Growing Pains' Kirk Cameron (all grown up!) co-stars as Dan's straight fish-throwing roommate; Full House's middle girl Jodie Sweetin returns to TV as a meddling Microsoft millionaire/hipster trying to buy the market. Will Savage move to La La Land? Only his agent knows for sure.

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SLEATER-KINNEY guitar-slinger Carrie Brownstein's on the road to recovery! The band had to abandon their current tour because of Carrie's back problems (hopefully she'll be up and running by summer)--but I hear our rockergrrl's getting plenty of nurturing at home. None other than science guy Bill Nye (huh?!) has been spotted on her doorstep, gourmet treats in hand! All speculation about "bedside manner" aside, seems Bill's a top-notch chef, and his famous "Zero-Gravity Lemon Meringue Pie" has Carrie on Cloud 9!

Shame on me! shirley@thestranger.com