I THOUGHT everyone "got" my April Fool's column--but the Buzz 100.7 FM went ahead and axed local treasure Pat Cashman's delightful morning show, replacing him with syndicated, LA-based boobs Mark & Brian (whose idea of "fun" is "dipping themselves in chocolate" for Valentine's Day. Ha. Ha.) · · · Entercom mgmt claims to be courting younger listeners--yet inexplicably they also brought in dowdy, over-the-hill Republican ex-MTV VJ Kennedy for a local (how the mighty have fallen!) talk show. She plans to discuss "things that really matter to people in Seattle, like how do you get to KeyArena." Very funny. NOW WHAT DID YOU DO WITH PAT??

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AFTERNOON DELIGHT! What was ex-KOMO Northwest Afternoon boy Dick Foley doing in the Body Shop at Pacific Place? Why, purchasing some delightfully lubricating lotions and "one of those scrubby things." We're hoping NA soapmistress Cindi Reinhart doesn't have a role in Dicky's intimate lubrication and exfoliation plans....

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TITANIC BLUNDERS! Wouldn't you know, class act Johnny Curley's making waves around town--again! "Mr. & Mrs. Bub" were at the 5th Ave for the opening night of Titanic: A New Musical. They musta gotten in for free, because they were way more interested in yakkin' and smoochin' like teenage lovebirds--for the first half of the show, anyway. At intermission the two hightailed it out of the theater, possibly headed home to Queen Anne (rrowrr!). · · · No surprise Curley didn't have the patience for the Theatre--the way I hear it, he's more at home goin' to monster truck shows, havin' pedicure parties, and mooning certain lucky landscapers (note: not roofers, as I reported). Hey Johnny, thanks to your free-wheelin' domestic habits, there's been a marked influx of hopeful fellas into the roofing trade in the past two weeks--you have no idea how popular your tushie is! · · · And I'm told certain members of the Titanic crew were dissing our glorious 5th Ave Theater! To wit: "We hate this theater, don't we? I mean, it's just so small!" No one was damning the antique house's beauty, but the place is just too miniature to accommodate all of Titanic's titanic sets--rumor has it some were shipped directly to Chicago, do not pass go. If you saw Titanic, you didn't see the whole show!

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IT'S OUR TOWN TOO! So say corporate rockers like Alice in Chains' Jerry Cantrell, beloved bassist Krist Novoselic, and... KING 5 reporter Jim Forman! Fri 3/26, 8:30 pm, Jerry was drinkin' Jolt cola and smokin' Camels (do I get a kick-back for saying that?) at Bauhaus on Pike St. The admiring "Mercy" said Mr. C was lookin' "healthy, gorgeous, and hot, hot, hot!!"--much more so than he used to be, says she. · · · The very tall Krist must buy a lot of groceries (he's pretty darn chummy with the checkers!): I've seen him at the Harvard Mkt QFC, and Mercy spotted him late-night Friday at Safeway on Broadway! · · · As for ace reporter Jimmy F, he was spotted Thurs 4/1, 11:15 am, at Harvard Mkt (this is not an April Fools' joke). We can't say for sure where Jim was going, but thanks to highly scientific triangulation methods developed for Ronald Reagan's Star Wars program, we can say with a certain amount of confidence that he was heading into QFC for a half-pint of delicious Darigold chocolate milk. Mmm... that does sound refreshing!

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SANDY & SUSIE, PART II: A couple weeks back I told of a clench-assed Susan Powter scowling through Sandra Bernhard's show at the Moore. However, irate armies of Powterites let me know that wasn't the only time Our Lady of Vitality caught Sandra's act. Earlier in the week, Ms. Powter was in the audience by her lonesome, hootin' and jumpin' to her feet and clappin' her ass off! Now that's the Susan I know! Apparently whatever Sue's problem was that night, Sandy wasn't it.

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So, I hear there's a straight weatherman on Seattle TV! Can you guess who? shirley@thestranger.com