SIFF HEADS-UP: Here she comes! The biggest starfuck of the year! Last week I put out the call for SIFF star-spotters--but now I'm upping the ante: starting next week, through June 6, the winning Juicy Item of the Week will be rewarded with a pair of... STRANGER BOXER SHORTS! And star-spotting will be a breeze--the latest confirmed SIFF celebs include: inexplicable box-office draw Minnie Driver, hot apocalyptic babe Linda Hamilton (if that's what 42 looks like, baby, I can't wait!), extremely minor talent Justine Bateman, and best yet, the supremely red-haired Don "Ralph Malph" Most! Deliver unto me the SIFF dirt, and I will personally dip into that big box of 100% cotton STRANGER BOXER SHORTS and pull out a pair JUST YOUR SIZE! Now get nosy!

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TILL THEN, we must rely on our local yokels for sustenance. That is, unless you shop at Redmond Town Center--like my pal Sierra! She spotted Melrose Place actress Josie Bissett--sans hunky husband Rob Estes--dining at Cucina Cucina. Now, if you saw that belly and assumed Josie's been gettin' jiggy with Ronald McDonald, think again! Girl's pregnant--a boy, Mason, is due July 23. Is she home for keeps? She escaped Hollywood months ago, to facilitate motherhood, and rumor is she's running a "paint your own pottery"-type store.

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NOW, ABOUT THOSE YOKELS: Almost Live's "mom-looking" (sorry, hon) Tracy Conway was seen trying on some navy blue capri pants at the Bellevue Square Gap. Reporter Kira was frightened by Conway's "weird and wild eyes." · · · Also at Bell Sq: KING5 newsie Chris Ingalls popped into the Electronics Boutique last Sunday i.s.o. "a particular software item, which was not in stock." Reporter Kevin notes with alarm that Chris was wearing "a BLACK TRENCH COAT!" · · · Don Porter, KSTW 11's authoritative news anchor, was at the 15th Ave QFC last Monday "throwing a fit over ground beef!" (Ooh! Tell me more!) My snoopy friend Greg says, "'The Don' stood in the middle of the aisle looking befuddled, then headed toward the milk and eggs. In the check-out line, with his teenage daughter, he laid into the checker about how there was no one on duty at the meat dept.! While Don complained about how 'this would never happen in a New York deli,' his daughter (love those teenagers!) kept giving him a 'Shut up, Dad!' look--but he continued to obsess on his meat." SIR!! · · · A certain gent who apologizes, "I am new to Seattle," recently found himself in a little 3-way at Basic Plumbing. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't ask. He tells, "Participant #1 looked at participant #2 and said, 'Oh, I know you, you're--!' and was suddenly shushed with a hand over his mouth. I stayed and played with #2, who talked filthily to me and was very aggressive!" Only later did our friend (participant #3) tune in the news of the day to see, right there on TV... "my Basic Plumbing trick!" Our friend reckons #2 is Mr. X. What do you think?

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A BEVY OF ROCK TALENT showed up at Vito's Sat night 5/1 for a sailor-themed "Opening Day" party: Red Stars Theory, Sleater-Kinney, the Promise Keepers, the Reports, the Rapture, the Wiretaps, the Nightcaps, Hai Karate, Parini, and some guy named "Chad" looking like a pin-up in his sailor whites. Not to mention those big-shot Murder City Devils--I'm told they all tote cell phones around these days. What a bunch of yuppies!

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TV TURKEYS OF YESTERYEAR: How did Three's Company star Joyce DeWitt celebrate her 50th birthday (4/23)? Why, she downed a Bombay sapphire martini and dined on crispy calamari at the Metropolitan Grill. And I'm told she looked LOVELY! · · · And spotted bummin' around downtown: petite actor David Faustino--known to mere mortals as "Bud Bundy" on Married with Children. My, how the stars do shine.


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