In last week's paper, I criticized Jimmy Eat World's new album for adolescent lyrics that cater to the dramatic teenage mindset despite the band being over a decade old. It wouldn't be fair for me to let Dashboard Confessional—guilty of the same crime—get out of jail free, either. I expected more from Jimmy, but it's no surprise that Dashboard's Chris Carrabba, who's built his existence on being the poster boy for the young broken hearts of America, continues down the same path on his new album, The Shade of Poison Trees.
On the record, Carrabba shuns the full-band rock sound he started working toward on 2006's Dusk and Summer and returns to his singer/songwriter roots, putting lyrics back into the spotlight. Just as with some of the "gems" on Jimmy Eat World's latest, Dashboard was clearly looking to become the latest MySpace headline or LiveJournal signature when crafting his new words. He's painfully dramatic at times; other times, he attempts ridiculous emotion and wit. See if you can pick DC's lyrics from the ones I just made up:
1. "I may be a sinner, but it wasn't me this time/Just keep your mouth shut/Keep your guard up/I swear I'll make it right."
2. "With each new embrace/I have tied myself up/More tightly, into you/The more I fight/The the deeper I'm trapped/And I can't break free of this hold that you have."
3. "We're stronger than before the strain had broken us/And there is fight in us/I know/That it will take more than/A heavy rain/To silence us/When there's so much for us/I know."
4. "It's solitude I fear/And it's cold silence I hear/I wonder if I'll ever be all right/I wonder if I'll survive this night."
5. "Lately I just can't shake it/I count the days in seconds and minutes/Hours and hours are subtle as shards of glass/In the skin."
6. "How can you ask for forgiveness?/So now you think that your crimes are victimless?/I know you and your sins/Your retributions/So how will you clear your conscience/When your clock unwinds?"
7. "But you're so contagious/Tell me, what am I to do?/When a fire and a fever rages/And I have caught it, too/So who's to blame/For who gets burned/For holding you?"
Answer: Only number four is fake. The rest—even the one about the hours being like shards of glass—appear on The Shade of Poison Trees. If you haven't rolled your eyes out of your skull, go see Dashboard perform these songs and more at Showbox Sodo on October 21. 
