So, that one band that sings that one song about syphilis—aka Kings of Leon and their 2009 megahit "Sex On Fire"—is coming to the Gorge this week! Hooray! If you're into that sort of thing. I am not. The singer, Caleb Followill, mutters and hiccups through the songs with such pain, such stress, it sounds like he is severely constipated (does syphilis make you constipated?) and should maybe be taken to the hospital immediately so he can JUST POOP, ALREADY.

Anyway! It turns out "Sex On Fire" isn't the only Kings of Leon song that would be appropriate for various health-related PSAs and pharmaceutical commercials. Take a look at some of their other (terrible) lyrics, and see if you can match them to the pertinent health issues! Aren't games fun? When you're finished, check your answers in the key below.

Lyrics:

1. "I've been roaming around/I was looking down at all I see/Painted faces fill the places I can't reach."

2. "I'd pop myself in your body/I'd come into your party but I'm soft."

3. "Hot like a razor on my face/Something's a-growing that don't help me now/Paging the doctor just in case."

4. "I'm goin' so fast that I can't slow down/It's hard to get up when you're spinnin' round and round."

5. "Don't take these boots off me when you think that I'm dead/I'll still be running from the demon in my head/I'll be that person 'til my dying day/I try so awful hard but I can't change."

Health problems:

A. Erectile Dysfunction

B. Peripheral Vestibular Disorder

C. Schizophrenia

D. Dementia

E. Hives

Recommended All-Ages Shows

Thurs July 15: Maps & Atlases, Drink Up Buttercup, the Globes at the Vera Project, 7:30 pm, $10/$11.

Sat July 17: Brite Futures (formerly Natalie Portman's Shaved Head), Motopony at Neumos, 8 pm, $14.

Tues July 20: Sick of It All, 50 Lions, Alpha & Omega at Chop Suey, 7 pm, $15.