Halloween weekend is here! Time to dress up as your favorite scary monster (Glenn Beck or a member of Blood on the Dance Floor, maybe?) and hit the town. You can see a list of every single goddamn Halloween-related party and concert on page 63, but the majority of those are for the 21-plus crowd. Isn't that always the case? So what do you do if you're too young to hit the bar but too old to bob for apples in the neighbor's garage? Thankfully, the city's got you covered all weekend.

On Thursday, October 28, Cattle Decapitation play with Burning the Masses and Slaughter Box at Studio Seven. Few bands scare me more than Cattle Decapitation (similarly named Pig Destroyer being one of them). Despite the gory name, the band is actually a vegetarian, pro-animal-rights outfit that delivers its message by way of thunderous blasts of blistering grindcore and controversial lyrics that tell stories of humans being tortured like animals.

For example, in the song "Tooth Enamel & Concrete" they sing: "Pain like you've never felt before/Your face instantly grated and scraped along the sidewalk/Chiseled up, filed down, and a concrete crown."

They also have songs called "Humanure," "Testicular Manslaughter," and "Everyone Deserves to Die." I told you they were scary.

But maybe you're not in the mood to mosh to songs about getting your teeth smashed in. That's okay! On Saturday, October 30, you can pick your poison—the Black Lodge has a killer show/Halloween party with Wild Orchid Children, Past Lives, Triumph of Lethargy, and Strong Killings. That same night, the Vera Project is hosting a Halloween party/benefit for youth suicide prevention with Victor Shade, Sol, and Grynch. Something for everyone, be it fans of hiphop or fans of psychedelic guitar solos!

Whether you get your ears torn off by Cattle Decapitation or just sit at home eating all the candy you bought for the trick-or-treaters, have fun this weekend. And I've got dibs on the Bethany Storro costume.

Fri Oct 29: Owen Hart, Throne of Bone, Cascabel, Roanoke at Black Lodge, 8 pm.

Sat Oct 30: Victor Shade, Sol, Grynch, Militant Child, Kind of Blind at Vera Project, 7:30 pm, $10 ($4 refund with serious costume/$1 refund with club card).

Sat Oct 30: Wild Orchid Children, Past Lives, Triumph of Lethargy, Strong Killings at Black Lodge, 9 pm.

Mon Nov 1: Tim & Eric Awesome Tour Great Job! With Pusswhip Banggang, Neil Hamburger at Showbox Sodo, 7 pm, $25.