To explain away McCain's win in New Hampshire, Christian fundies and other rabid Bush supporters (the Pat Robertsons and Bob Joneses) ran up and down the state claiming that the independents and conservative Democrats voting for McCain weren't evidence of crossover appeal or Reaganesque electability. Nope, they were evidence of a vast left-wing conspiracy! Working in concert with the liberal, McCain-lovin' media, Democrats were trying to throw the Republican nomination to McCain. Democrats weren't voting for McCain because of his campaign-finance-reform message or war-hero bio, but because Al Gore would easily defeat McCain in the general election.
"We're not going to let Democrats pick the nominee of the Republican party," a Bush supporter told PBS' NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.
There was just one problem with this vast-left-wing-conspiracy stuff: It's total crap. Polls show that in a general election, McCain would actually defeat Al Gore, while Gore would defeat Bush. If Republicans were interested in picking a winner, they should have voted for McCain. But just as in '96, the last thing Republicans are interested in is a winner. South Carolina's social conservatives -- Shiite Republicans, as the New York Post's Rod Dreher calls them -- turned out in force on Saturday and voted for Bush, handing Bush a 13-percentage-point victory -- impressive, sure, but not so large as McCain's 19-point win in New Hampshire.
Of course, South Carolina's and New Hampshire's primaries are ancient history. And by the time you read this, Michigan's and Arizona's will be over, too. Next in line comes Washington state, which will hold its own pathetic excuse for a presidential primary on February 29. It's the last vote before 14 large states -- including powerhouses California and New York -- hold primaries on March 7.
As reported in The Seattle Times, Washington's primary more closely resembles a beauty contest than an election. On the Democratic side, the primary won't award any delegates to Gore or Bradley; on the Republican side, only 12 delegates (out of 37) are awarded based on the vote, and only the votes of people who are registered Republicans (you can register at your primary) are counted. It's actually at Washington's March 7 party caucuses that Democrats will award all their delegates and the Republicans will choose their remaining 25.
For the election-impaired, presidential primaries are about collecting delegates -- hardcore party members -- who are awarded to candidates in most states on the basis of primary vote totals. Delegates then go to their party's convention in the summer and vote to nominate the candidate they were awarded to. Delegates aren't free to vote their conscience, so once a candidate collects a certain number of delegates, he's automatically the nominee. That means, of course, that party conventions amount to nothing more than a colossal waste of time. Nevertheless, the media still show up on the off chance that the nominee will do something nuts like, say, pick Steve Forbes or some transgendered lesbian to be his running mate. And there is, of course, always a chance that the nominee will be assassinated by a man dressed as a priest, hiding in the rafters.
While Washington state's delegate-lite primary is a national joke, there is one very compelling reason for you to go to the polls on Tuesday: You, too, can be part of the vast left-wing conspiracy.
How? By voting for George W. Bush on Tuesday, February 29. Pay no attention to the blatherings of Bush's supporters: It's Bush, not McCain, who would lose to Al Gore in November. And while only a few delegates will actually be awarded as a result of the primary, the Republican contest is currently about momentum -- who's got it, who's lost it. Do your part to keep the big mo flowing toward George W. Bush by voting on Tuesday.
Some of our readers might be tempted to vote for McCain, if only to see Bush collapse, taking his piles of money with him. Others will be tempted to vote in the Democratic primary for Bill Bradley. First, Bradley: Let's face facts, shall we? Unless there is a priest with a rifle in the rafters at the Democratic National Convention, Gore is going to be the Democratic nominee. We were enamored of Bradley once, too, but when he didn't respond to Al Gore's attacks, well, he lost us. Bradley came off like a seven-foot-tall Mike Dukakis -- Dukakis was the Democratic nominee in 1988 who refused to respond to George W.'s daddy's attacks and, consequently, lost the election -- and the last thing the Democrats need is another Dukakis. Reluctant to go on the attack and unconvincing when forced to, Bradley would be slaughtered by W. in the general election. Much of what was thrilling about Bill Clinton in 1992 was his willingness to fight fire with fire. This angered Republicans, of course, who thought they owned the patent on lies, distortions, and scorched-earth campaigning. Not the case, as Clinton proved. And since Republicans are still Republicans, Gore's willingness to go for Bradley's throat is a good sign.
When it comes to social issues -- where the only real differences between Democrats and Republicans lie these days -- Bradley and Gore have basically identical positions. So why throw your vote away? Having to choose between Bradley and Gore is like having to chose between Gary Locke and Norm Rice -- why bother? If you'd be happy with either of the Democrats running in the primary, then it simply makes more sense to do what harm you can by voting on the Republican side.
And on the Republican side, you can do more damage by voting for George W. Bush. Under Bill Clinton, the Democratic party has embraced welfare reform, balanced budgets, school uniforms, and the occasional intern, stealing most of the Grand Old Party's appealing campaign issues. Clinton's centrism has left the Republicans with abortion, gay bashing, and their seething hatred of Clinton -- three things that we know don't play well in general elections. What would play well in a general election is John McCain.
If McCain does wind up being the Republican party's nominee, his calls for campaign finance reform, his upbeat personality, his sense of humor, and his willingness to soft-pedal his social conservatism will be tremendously appealing to moderates, independents, and conservative Democrats. (Hell, in a Gore vs. McCain race, I'm not certain that I wouldn't vote for McCain.) While we're all in favor of campaign finance reform, we're not in favor of a pro-life, pro-gun conservative making three or four appointments to an already rightward-listing Supreme Court.
So let's all do our part to make sure that McCain is NOT the nominee. Vote for George W. Bush on February 29.
