Seattle Public Schools' operations and capital levies are up for renewal in a February 12 special election, and we at the SECB strongly urge you to vote no.

Ha-ha! Just kidding! Vote yes! We at the SECB have never met a tax measure we didn't like—especially property taxes, which most of us will never directly pay, because we're all too busy spending our meager paychecks on booze, pot, and gay pornography to ever save up enough money to buy homes of our own.

But really... vote yes on both of them.

First, the three-year operations levy covers 27 percent of Seattle Public Schools' day-to-day operations, including teachers, textbooks, bus transportation, and student activities. Slashing a quarter of our schools' funding would be absolutely unthinkable. So don't even think it.

Second, the six-year capital levy (the Building Excellence Program, Phase IV) is essential to maintaining and improving our district's aging school buildings, a third of which are more than 50 years old. The levy will pay for long overdue earthquake retrofitting at 37 schools, as well as major renovations, replacements, and additions at 13 schools, including four new buildings desperately needed to accommodate growing enrollment. The levy will also pay to install Wi-Fi networks at every school in the district. Can you believe it's 2013 and our schools don't have Wi-Fi?

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Yeah, the two levies will cost a combined $1.2 billion, but hey, shit costs money. And again, these are levy renewals. Combined, they'll add only an additional $13 a month to the tax bill of the average Seattle homeowner.

Remember: The children are our future. And if we don't properly educate them, who will take care of us when we're old and helpless? So approve the fuck out of these school levies. recommended