We Regret These Errors

We Regret These Errors

Sorrowful Remorse

From the Desk of the Enumclaw Horse

From the Desk of Katie Holmes's Fetus

From the Desk of Former Monorail Director Joel Horn

Dept. of Corrections

I Regret Not Killing Benjamin Colton Barnes Before He Got to That Park Ranger

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Republicans Giving Me a Bad Name

I Regret That Señor Romney Lost the Election

We Regret These Errors.

We Regret These Erors

From the Desk of Michael Jackson

I Regret Being Consigned to Eternal Damnation with the Guy Who Drew The Family Circus

I Regret Not Taking Out Lance Armstrong

We Regret Mentioning Suicide, Publishing Essays about Suicide, and Placing Visual Depictions of Suicide on Our Cover

I Regret Nothing

From the Desk of J. Edgar Hoover

We Wish to Announce Several Regrets (We Wish to Announce Several Regrets)

I Regret What's Happening to This City

That Sculpture Is a Stain on Our Reputation

I Regret Not Being Considered Food and Offer, for Your Enjoyment, This Recipe

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Please Allow Me to Set the Record Straight

I Regret Rehab

I Regret that Pit Bulls Find My Face So Delicious

I Regret Macklemore's Tweets

I Regret Killing All-Ages Music

We Regret We’re So Dumb

The Republic of Chile regrets that I am only known for the crazy dictator Augusto Pinochet Ugarte and, more recently, the world record for miners trapped underground. This is not at all fair. Does the world know China because of its many crazy rulers and its mining accidents? No, China is known for its factories, Great Wall, and pandas. Chile, too, has much more to offer the world than the one misguided despot and the occasional underground mishap. I have lots of beaches, forests, and volcanoes. My climate is pretty much Mediterranean, but it does get a little chilly down south (get it—"chilly"? The republic also has a sense of humor). Did you know I also own Easter Island? Isn't that amazing? Yes, yes, ignore the cannibalism that happened there and just admire the statues those people-eating people left behind. And how about my famous writers, like Pablo Neruda and Isabel Allende? Are you not bowled over yet? Yes, yes, please ignore for a minute what happened to Allende's famous relative and just focus on the wonderful movie that's based on her novel The House of the Spirits. Did you know it stars Jeremy Irons, Glenn Close, Winona Ryder, and Meryl Streep? WOW! So stop putting me in a mining-disaster box. I'm a slim country with a big heart. recommended