Nelly Furtado won't be coming to Seattle until the next issue of The Stranger is already on the stands, but since this is our "all-corporate" issue, I thought I'd include an interview with her a week in advance. Problem is, corporate artists are always busy and difficult to reach, so I didn't bother calling Dreamworks, the Portuguese-Canadian chanteuse's record label, to try getting an interview. Instead, I logged on to www.nellyfurtado.com, and simply culled excerpts from the autobio Furtado has written and posted there (it's called "Me on Me") to answer whatever questions I might ask her in person. Here is our imagined conversation. It's not traditional music journalism, I realize.

Let's start with the basics. On your album Whoa, Nelly! you sing in Portuguese as well as English. Are you fluent in Portuguese?

I was performing in both Portuguese and English by age four.

Wow. Where are you from?

Although I grew up in Victoria, BC, a mere suburb of a city, I know what independence is, I know what soul is, and I know what God is.

Yeah, I know what God is, too. What's the most fucked-up, religious/erotic thing you could ever imagine saying?

I know what it feels like to sing on the top of a mountain as if God is pumping Abraham straight into me from heaven.

That's heavy stuff. How does one get to the point where she feels comfortable saying that?

I've seen and grown lots in my short life span. I have been the bully, I have been bullied, been insecure, been precocious, been lost, been found again, been praised, been heralded, been shamed, and been alone.

That sounds intense. But I guess all that adversity has informed your ambitions. What's next?

I aspire, like anyone, to do great things with my life. I want to be Jack Kerouac, Mona Lisa, Ghandi [sic], and Mother Theresa [sic] all at the same time.

Seriously? That's crazy.

I want to inspire people, but not in a cheap way. There is an artist in me.

Maybe. Though your record is sort of cheap, even for someone so young. I mean, that "I'm Like a Bird" song is pretty lame.

I can't say that my influences are Pink Floyd and Kate Bush, because they aren't. I wasn't even born. I was listening to a haunting Paris sample or a PM Dawn song with a sampled Spandeau [sic] Ballet chorus hot off the radio. I was into anything sensational and loud. It was somehow so refreshing to my young ears.

That's what I mean. Perhaps you should try going back and finding some richer inspirations.

New influences came to me as I got older and started listening to my older brother's CD player. I also went to Portugal for a summer vacation and opened up to rock influences like Radiohead, Smashing Pumkins [sic], U2, Pulp, Oasis, and Sarah Maclaughlin [sic].

Right, but Nelly, those are also some wimpy artists.

I also discovered the greatest hits collections of the Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel. From this point on, the door had been opened up real wide, and it only gets wider each day.

Nowhere in the music you've made for Whoa Nelly! do I hear the Beatles. Who else?

I am impressed by: Leonard Cohen.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm sensing a pattern here, what with these weird delusions of grandeur, and all the dramatic stuff you're saying. You seem to take yourself very seriously as an artist.

I am impressed when music matters, when genres are broken, when spirits are lifted, when people make a difference, and when people are true to themselves.

And do you think you're being true to yourself, Nelly?

All these influences and all of the life experiences I've had that fuel my lyrical content come together to make me, as an artist, urban folk alternative, if that helps any.

It doesn't. I think you're pretty naive.

I am not sheltered and I have never been, although family is very important to me. I am quite street-smart and my pain often fuels my passion, but more often my spirit does.

But on the other hand, you're sort of a hack pop star, right? Say something now that's going to convince me you're totally schizophrenic.

I see art everywhere I walk. I believe I was born to sing and to create music that emotionally connects. I was born to document the way I see the world and the experiences I've had in it.

Works for me.