Smoking pot will kill your testosterone levels and make you sterile. The link between marijuana use and sterility is unproven, says Dr. Charles Arakaki, chief physician at the Universal Men's Clinic at Swedish Medical Center. He explains that most of the studies done on marijuana use and testosterone were executed in the 1970s, with mice. "The studies done more recently, in the 1990s, show that there's no effect on hormone levels," Dr. Arakaki explains. "They contradict previous studies."

I need flavored rolling papers in order to roll a perfect joint. Marijuana neophytes—and there are plenty of them in Washington State now—yearn to roll the perfect joint, as if that proves their newfound smoking prowess, and this task usually involves some fancy flavored rolling paper, because people who don't smoke pot like they put on shoes think it should be as stylized and weird as possible. These delightful little ducklings are wrong. Through trial and error, stoners at Stranger HQ have found over the years that Bible passages and pages ripped from antique dictionaries roll quite nicely and burn evenly. Here are the substitutes that won't work in a pinch: Post-it Notes, Yellow Pages, or selections of The Stranger, each of which will make you feel like you've just taken a bong rip from the tailpipe of a Hummer. So for a divine high, relax, rip your favorite passage out of Deuteronomy, maybe eat a ham and cheese sandwich to prove you're an equal opportunity blasephemer, and just roll the fucking joint already.

Eating sugar will cut into my high. No.

Smoking weed could make me stupider in the long term. You may have heard about studies saying heavy cannabis use is associated with lower IQs later in life—it seems like a no-brainer (hardy-har). While some research has blamed pot for lowering IQs, Norwegian research economist Ole Røgeberg recently reexamined and debunked a big study of potheads in New Zealand that's been widely cited as scientific proof that teen pot smokers make dumber adults. So as long as you don't hit the bong right before taking an IQ test, you and your brain are going to be just fine. (Still, don't smoke pot till you're 18, kids.)

Coughing while smoking gets me higher. This popular theory, while borne out by experience for many people, is likely crap. Some say it's true because coughing expands your lungs, leaving more surface area to absorb THC, but you're also breathing in lots of fresh air and coughing out a lot of the smoke. Probably this old-stoner-wives' tale is around because taking a monster hit, which will get you higher, is more likely to make you cough.

If I smoke enough pot, I'll smoke myself straight 'n' sober. Don't be an idiot.