Someone once told me that to enjoy spicy food, you have to be able to accept pain as a flavor.

On reflection, this doesn't seem quite right--it was a long time ago--and perhaps it was that he said you have to accept heat as a flavor. I remember trying to sort this out a few years ago on a trip to Wingdome with a couple of male friends, who immediately engaged in a macho pissing match about who could eat hotter food. They went on to prove their balls by ordering "7-alarm" wings, eating them and loudly proclaiming that these weren't so hot, no sirree. Meanwhile, I gnawed "3-alarm" wings as fast as possible, hoping for a chance to taste them before they started to burn. It didn't work. Pain, heat--none of it tasted like taste.

It all seems a bit barbaric, no? Burning the lining out of your cheeks while a sticky pile of limp, used napkins grows on your plate next to the mountain of chicken bones you've nibbled on in the style of a rabbit. Not to mention that chicken wings are among the least respected parts of the bird; in restaurant service, in fact, the wingtips are often lopped off and saved for stock. I suppose in a kinder light you could call it Falstaffian, or at least feel like a kind of mini Henry VIII, brandishing a tiny wing in place of the enormous leg of whatever.

But of course the barbarity is part of the fun, and I would have to say that drinking is part of the fun as well (Falstaff no doubt would agree, and have a couple of wenches in attendance). It's all about stripping the meat off the bones and hollering for more, taking the edge off the burn with a couple, three, four lagers.

Should you choose to accept this challenge, I recommend the Old West Wings, with a barbecue sauce that's perfect for chicken, or the Rasta Wings, with a slightly sweet Jamaican-jerk-seasoned sauce that is pleasantly (as opposed to painfully) hot. (Wing platters start at $6.99 for 10 and go from there, or sell singly at $1.50 per wing.) Your basic buffalo wings--covered in a simple glaze--are where the heat is packed, according to your specifications. I tried them again recently at a much lower alarm level, and realized that without the fire, there's not much to it. Perhaps it was pain that was the flavor after all.

Wingdome

4545 University Way NE (U-District, with locations

in Greenwood and Kirkland), 632-1033.