Double Trouble/Central District/Fri Oct 15/12:53 pm: This afternoon, a man with a "heavy build" deliberately broke the window of a vehicle owned by his twin brother, who is a mechanic. The witness to the incident, a contractor working on the twins' home, refused to give the police any information because he was nowhere near finished with the project and wanted to stay out of this bizarre feud. His employers live together, look alike, and hate each other's guts! That was all he was willing to say before going back to work.


Ketchup Nazis/West Seattle/Sun Oct 17/12:00 pm: The police were dispatched after receiving a report of a message written in ketchup in the hallway of an apartment on Alaska Street. When the officers arrived, they contacted the victim, who said someone had been leaving unusual symbols written in ketchup on the carpet in front of her door. She also said that four weeks earlier, she had found another symbol written in ketchup. This symbol consisted of a circle with one dot inside of it and two dots outside of it (the three dots formed an acute triangle). She suspects Nazis are involved.


I Will Crucify You/Lake City/Tues Oct 19/2:00 pm: An independent psychologist was hired by an Auburn man to make a custody evaluation and determine whether he was mentally fit enough to take care of his nine-year-old boy. After a few tests, it was clear to the psychologist that the mental state of the Auburn man was "unsatisfactory." When the Auburn man learned of the results, he demanded that the psychologist reimburse him the fee he had paid for the evaluation. The psychologist told him that he would do no such thing. A few days later, the Auburn man began making phone calls to the psychologist, saying things like "It's time to go to war!" and "I will crucify you!" Freaked, the psychologist called the police, but they could only advise him to request a wimpy anti-harassment order.


A Battery/Rainier Valley/Mon Nov 8/10:00 pm: A woman was at home working on her laptop computer when her window shattered, and one AA battery came to rest on her desk. The woman has no idea who did this, and stated to police that she has no problems with anyone.


Even Nazi Moms Need Love/Green Lake/Tues Nov 9/Time unknown: A woman who lives in Grodonville, Texas arrived at her daughter's home this afternoon without notifying her that she was coming. She had groceries in one arm as she knocked on her daughter's door -- secretly she hoped the groceries would win her daughter's and granddaughter's hearts. When her daughter opened the door, she gasped and told her mom to go away, that she did not want her groceries or anything else from her (apparently, the mother was in the habit of sending her daughter and granddaughter propaganda about Hitler, Jews, blacks, and body piercings). Her mother pleaded that she wanted to re-enter their lives, but the daughter refused her overtures and called the police. When the police arrived, they warned the Nazi mom to leave her daughter and granddaughter alone and return to Texas, where she belonged. The cops then drove her to the bus tunnel so that she could catch a ride to the airport, and warned her that if she ever returned to her daughter's home, they would arrest her.


What's the Meaning of All This?/West Seattle/Nov 10/11:00 pm: A woman on Kenyon St. was getting ready for bed, when out of the blue an apple came flying through her living room window. It hit a portrait on the wall and bounced on the carpet a few times, before coming to rest near her dining room table. She does not know the source of the flying apple.

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