🇺🇸 Oh say can you seeee 🇺🇸 by the dawns early light 🇺🇸
🇺🇸 Oh say can you seeee 🇺🇸 by the dawn's early light 🇺🇸 KAMILPETRAN/GETTY IMAGES

"Natural gas" is now called "freedom gas": According to the Department of Energy. What is "freedom gas" full of? "Molecules of U.S. freedom," says the official press release. This reminds me of when U.S. representatives attempted to rename "french fries" "freedom fries" to punish France and drum up support for the Iraq War. In that case, the enemy was France. In this case, Trump's Department of Energy has decided nature is the enemy. Things are looking bleak, baby!

Moby is a dick: And his book tour is sunk. The tour was to promote his new memoir, which has nightmarish details no one wanted to know, like how he allegedly rubbed his flaccid dick on Trump and says he dated Natalie Portman (when she was a teen). Portman said there were "many factual errors and inventions" in his telling, denied ever dating him, and said the claims were "very disturbing." This has led to a massive blowback. In a series of Instagram posts on Tuesday, Moby wrote that he will be taking time away from the public eye. The real kicker here is that the memoir's title is Then It Fell Apart. It sure did, Moby.

Let's just get the tears out now, okay?

Some cats to make you feel better:


40+ US representatives want to open an impeachment inquiry into Trump: The "+" is one Republican. Here's a full list of all the House Democrats who now support an impeachment inquiry, via the Washington Post. I also want to signal boost what our overlord tweeted today:


Pelosi goes after Facebook: Today, days after Facebook decided to continue circulating a doctored video that appeared to show Nancy Pelosi slurring her words, the House Speaker blasted the tech giant, saying: "I think they have proven—by not taking down something they know is false—that they were willing enablers of the Russian interference in our election." Facebook declined to comment. I doubt any meaningful fines or regulations will be brought down on Facebook, but Pelosi's rebuke shouldn't be taken lightly: She is, after all, one of the most powerful members of Congress who also happens to represent Facebook's home state, California.

Mueller speaks: And he says that if it were clear the president committed no crime, "we would have said so." He also said his department's opinion "explicitly permits the investigation of a sitting president." We went over his comments in this week's episode of our Blabbermouth podcast. Republican Rep. Justin Amash, the only Republican representative to currently call for Trump's impeachment, tweeted this after Mueller's announcement:

Mueller speaks on Mueller: Robert De Niro, currently playing Robert Mueller on Saturday Night Live, wrote an op-ed for the New York Times about his character and muse. "As I prepared for my role on the show, I got to know you a lot better," De Niro writes. Because nothing provides insight quite like the navel-gazing process of an actor preparing for a role. This op-ed is so weird.

The heated "bi-weekly" debate continues: Does bi-weekly mean once every two weeks or twice a week? We at The Stranger, Seattle's premiere alt-bi-weekly, are familiar with this toxic debate. We know our answer: It's once every two weeks, just like our fine paper. But what does bi-weekly mean to King County Executive Dow Constantine or MyNorthwest reporter Carolyn Ossorio? Ossorio reported today that Constantine allegedly treats his Executive Protection Unit as "personal chauffeurs" and that "complaints go back years." Details in the report suggest Constantine uses his protection unit to drive him to sporting events, bars, and this very important detail picked up by Mr. JSeattle:


That's a lot of haircuts. But how many exactly? Eight a month or two? The distinction is important. BRB, doing some public records requests.

Do you want a slice of Microsoft's new $500 million affordable housing fund? Hope you live near Bellevue! Microsoft Philanthropies Director Jane Broom announced the criteria for the fund today. From GeekWire:

The company will consider responses to a request for proposals process that meet the following standards:

  • At least 40 percent of units will be designated for middle-income families or 80 percent of units targeting low-income families
  • Projects must be within a 60-minute commute of Bellevue during peak traffic hours
  • Developers must commit to keeping units affordable for a minimum of 10 years
  • Each project must have at least 100 units

    • One interesting tidbit from the GeekWire piece: The inspiration behind Microsoft's initiative came from a conversation Microsoft President Brad Smith had with Redmond's police chief about how "the majority of the force couldn’t afford to live in the community they policed." Smith was allegedly "dumbfounded" by this and compelled to create solutions. (Redmond police recruits, by the way, reportedly make "$28.99 an hour or $5,044 a month.") Apparently one way to assist a housing crisis is to get police officers to complain to technocrats. ICYMI, this is the Redmond police:

    Dystopic:


    Amazon dumps old security contractor for two unionized contractors: Security Industry Specialists (SIS), the controversial security contractor that Amazon has used since 2012, will be replaced by two new contractors, Allied Universal and Securitas, which will handle security starting July 27. Currently, 1,066 employees are expected to be laid off by SIS, but an Amazon spokesperson told the Seattle Times that "all employees of the current security vendor will have the opportunity to apply to the new vendors." The SIS president Tom Seltz said "it is unlikely that there will be a net loss of jobs in the Seattle region as a result of Amazon’s decision." The move has been celebrated by local unions and labor organizations:


    Ashton Kutcher testified in a serial killer trial today: This is wild. In 2001, Ashton Kutcher says he was supposed to go on a date with a 22-year-old woman named Ashley Ellerin. When he showed up at her house, however, things were a little…weird. According to E! News, Kutcher testified that he was running late because of a That '70s Show rehearsal. When he arrived, there was no answer. He peeped through her window, noticed things were messy and "red wine stains" on her stairwell. He left. The next day, he discovered that those weren't red wine stains. Ellerin had been stabbed 47 times and her neck had been slashed so severely that she was almost decapitated. Yikes.

    In case you need a bottle to cry into: North Korea has launched its own whiskey.