Happy May Day: Nurses in half of England's hospitals are striking. Over 120,000 Canadian government workers stopped their 10-day strike after they received a 12.6% wage increase over four years. Rail workers in the U.S. won four paid sick days from leading rail companies BNSF, CSX, Norfolk Southern, and Union Pacific. El Comité's May Day march starts at the Federal Building downtown today at 11:30 am. 

Amazon's work-from-home policy ends today: May 1 also marks the first day of Amazon's return to the office. The techies have to show face in South Lake Union at least three days a week now. Bummer for them, but maybe this means the free banana stand down there is open again? If it's been open for a while, please don't yell at me. I avoid the area since there is nothing for me there and am thus ignorant about its goings on. 

Three people shot on Capitol Hill: On Saturday at around 10:30 pm, two men were killed and another was "critically wounded" in a shooting at Cal Anderson Park. The shooting happened on the warmest night of the year so far in the heart of Seattle's nightlife. Police have not released any information about the shooter. 

Another shooting in West Seattle: Yesterday, someone shot a 24-year-old woman in the abdomen in broad daylight. Police responded to the call of a disturbance involving a knife and a firearm at 12:00 pm. They arrested a 29-year-old man for assault and recovered a semi-automatic handgun. 

That assault weapons ban is looking better and better: Remember last week when Gov. Jay Inslee tightened Washington's gun control laws? I sure do. As a reminder, the new law bans "the manufacture, importation, distribution and sale of assault-style weapons in Washington." Inslee also signed bills enacting a 10-day waiting period and training requirement for all gun purchases and the ability to sue gun retailers for irresponsible behavior. 

Breaking: In a press release, Governor Jay Inslee says he won't run for a fourth term, which makes room for a lot of moving and shaking in WA politics. People expect Attorney General Bob Ferguson and Lands Commissioner Hilary Franz to run to replace Inslee, and then other politicians will run for those opening seats, and then other politicians will run for those opening seats, and so on down the ladder.

A chilly Monday: Soon we will be back in the 70s. Today, enjoy a little cool, gray reprieve. I love this silly spring rollercoaster.

First Republic Bank fails: The second-biggest bank failure in U.S. history happened this morning when San Francisco-based First Republic Bank sold all its assets and deposits to JPMorgan Chase Bank. First Republic struggled with "a high amount of uninsured deposits and exposure to low interest rate loans." The bank had been on shaky ground ever since Silicon Valley Bank folded in March. 

California's about to drown again: Thanks to the laws of physics and the different stages of matter, all of that record-breaking snow California received this year will soon become more water. A big flood is imminent. This week will kickstart the warming process and likely flood the Central Valley, home to cities such as Fresno and Sacramento. The Central Valley, you may recall, has already partially flooded this year because of all the rainfall. Start building your arks. 

Kraken win: Last night the Seattle Kraken beat the defending Stanley Cup champs, the Colorado Avalanche, in Game 7 of the first round of playoffs. People are calling this Kraken history, and they're not wrong, but everything this team does is Kraken history since the team has only existed for like a year.

Texas shooter who allegedly killed five people still at large: In Cleveland, Texas late Friday night, Wilson Garcia asked his neighbor, Francisco Oropeza, to shoot his gun further away from Garcia's house so his children could sleep. Instead of complying with the request, the neighbor charged into Garcia's home and shot at Garcia's family, plus the friends who were visiting, intent on killing everyone in the house. Garcia's wife, his nine-year-old son, and three other adults were killed. Two women died shielding Garcia's baby and two-year-old daughter from the gunfire. The shooter has not been apprehended. The FBI said it has zero leads.

Texas governor Greg Abbott announced a $50,000 reward for any information about the shooter. In his announcement, Abbott called the five victims "illegal immigrants." Dehumanizing victims by speculating about their immigration status is cool!! 

ICYMI: Read the New York Times profile about Craig Coyner, the Bend, Oregon mayor who became homeless, his life mirroring the struggles that have ravaged the town over which he once presided. 

An orgasmic night at the L.A. Philharmonic: A woman in the audience had a big, loud, moaning, screaming orgasm during the Los Angeles Philharmonic's rendition of Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony. One audience member remarked that the cum sounds were "wonderfully timed to a romantic swell in the symphony." Look, I don't support subjecting an unwilling audience to your kinks, but I absolutely get being so moved by a symphony you feel it in your nethers. The musicians played on despite the disturbance. Here is a recording of the orgasm:

Unrelated, but speaking of music: Seattle's Washington Middle School cut its jazz band because of "declining enrollment and the loss of COVID-19 relief money," according to the Seattle Times. The school also cut its tech program.

NYC mayor solves car thefts: Mayor Eric Adams has a new policy to reduce stolen cars in the Bronx. Adams and the NYPD are giving away 500 free Apple AirTags for people to put in their cars. If the cars are stolen, then they can use the AirTags to find them. Badabing badaboom. Problem solved. 

[Eds note: I feel like I gotta leave you with a less horny Tchaik Five:]