Indictments abound! Yesterday, Donald Trump said he was indicted by the Justice Department on seven counts for allegedly mishandling classified documents. This post, of course, is referring to the boxes of confidential information he kept at Mar-a-Lago. Trump refers to it as "the Boxes Hoax," because of course he does. Upon announcing these new indictments, Trump began fundraising for his 2024 election campaign, framing this episode as yet another "witch hunt." Among the charges is the willful retention of national defense information, which is a big no-no under the Espionage Act. He will appear in court in Miami on Tuesday.

Here's his rambling video announcement of the charges: He posted this doozy of a video to Truth Social. I'm sorry to subject you to this while you sip your morning coffee:

Well, he's definitely making history: As a reminder, Trump is not only the first former president to face criminal charges, but he's the first to face multiple criminal charges. The first slew of charges against Trump this year involved the hush-money he paid to Stormy Daniels ahead of the 2016 election. Trump could face even more charges in cases about the Jan 6 insurrection and the 2020 election. 

Whoa, bombshell! Trump has defended himself against this confidential document indictment by asserting all the documents in his possession were declassified. CNN obtained a recording of Trump discussing a Pentagon report in his possession about attacking Iran. In the recording, Trump says he failed to declassify the report when he was president and now he can't. 

What is this? A crossover episode? A class action lawsuit out of New York alleges Amazon and Starbucks broke a New York City privacy law when the companies failed to notify customers about biometric information collection in the companies' collaboration on two contactless checkout coffee shops. Amazon's "just walk out" technology, the lawsuit alleges, collects biometric data such as "fingerprints, handprints or the shape of a person’s body." Amazon says any customer who downloaded the app to enter the coffee shop knew what they were getting into. Starbucks has stayed mum on the whole thing. 

More bus cuts: King County Metro can't catch a break. Due to staffing shortages, the bus agency must make more commuter route cutbacks this summer ahead of already-announced cutbacks this fall. Check out whether your route is on life support here.

Lionel Messi is Miami-bound: The next stop in Lionel Messi's soccer career? The MLS Messi announced yesterday he will be playing for Inter Miami, solidifying the MLS's reputation as the retirement league for European soccer players. This is exciting for US soccer, but, damn, Messi, did you really have to pick Florida? In this political climate? 

Lawyers use ChatGPT, cite fictitious case law: New York attorneys may face punishment after the case law they cited as legal precedent in a personal injury case against an airline turned out to be fake. The lawyer told the judge he was "operating under a misconception... that this website was obtaining these cases from some source I did not have access to." Nah, buddy, it just made that shit up. 

Sweet relief: It's going to rain! Quench me, sky. 

My newest "Play Date" column is out! This time around I'm exploring a support group for people whose animals died. Did you read it yet? 

Is Canada still engulfed in flames? Very much so, yes. Thanks for asking. Hundreds of wildfires are still burning up our neighbors to the north. Smoke is clearing for the time-being in New York, so at least there's that.

The Supreme Court did what now? Okayyyyy, our incredibly fucked Supreme Court ruled in favor of Black Alabama voters when it decided in a 5-4 vote that Alabama must redraw its congressional districts. The court agreed that the Republican-drawn districts discriminated against Black voters by diluting the power a majority-Black state has in deciding elections. Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Brett Kavanaugh (unexpectedly) joined the more liberal justices in this vote. 

Wait, is SCOTUS pro-democracy now? Or are they just doing a bit of damage control before killing affirmative action? (It's the latter.) 

Canadians are touching raccoons more than ever: People in Toronto reported a 117% increase in raccoon bites and scratches in 2023 compared to data from 2018 to 2022. Since the end of May, Toronto Public Health received 88 raccoon bite or scratch reports. The City is begging people to stop touching raccoons. 

Lifeguard shortages are old news: According to this piece in The Atlantic, lifeguard shortages happen pretty much every year. The blame shifts around from COVID in the 2020s to young men opting to work in the Works Progress Administration in the 1930s. The biggest impact on lifeguard employment? A boom in the '80s when Baywatch came on the air. 

New Jersey youth baseball bans umpire hecklers: To stop heckling parents, the Deptford Little League president implemented a new rule. Any parents caught heckling will be banned from any Deptford sports facilities for a year unless they umpire three games themselves. Ah, the ol' "take a walk in my shoes" approach. A volunteer umpire had this to say about the new rule: "We’ll see how their sphincter feels when they have to make a tight call and the parents are all screaming and hollering at them.”

Some music: I hate all my music right now, so I am starting to make my way through all the albums on Rolling Stones "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" list just to see what's what. Coming in at #500 is Arcade Fire's 2004 debut "Funeral." So, here's this: