End of an era: The OL Reign's Megan Rapinoe will officially hang up her cleats after this year's women's World Cup. The Cup will be her fourth. You may remember her last World Cup in 2019, when she scored the game-winning goal. Afterwards, a reporter asked if she'd be going to the White House, and Rapinoe replied, "I'm not going to the fuckin' White House." The outspoken, talented, unapologetically queer Seattle soccer legend will say goodbye in Seattle after the Reign's final home game on Oct 6. 

Stalker must wear his GPS tracker, court rules: Washington state lobbyist Cody Arledge stalked state Rep. Lauren Davis after she ended their once-romantic relationship in 2021. He obsessively stalked her to the point where she feared for her life and had to live in safe houses. Now, Arledge must keep away from Davis and the state Capitol where she works. (He also had to surrender his 17 guns, but that's not really part of this story except for the fact that he had 17 guns.) Arledge wears a GPS tracker that alerts her and authorities if he violates these rules. He argued the tracker violated his constitutional right to privacy. An appeals court shot him down. He must stay tracked. Life hack: don't fucking stalk people and you won't get permanently low-jacked!

Creepy sports doctor stabbed in prison: Larry Nassar, the gymnastics sports doctor who sexually abused hundreds of female athletes, including Olympian Simone Biles, was stabbed twice in the neck, twice in the back, and six times in the chest in a Florida federal prison. Look, obviously no one deserves to be stabbed, but I can't say I feel any sympathy for this prolific creep. He's in stable condition. 

Tragedy strikes ice cream festival: Before you panic, the tragedy was just that the festival low-key kinda sucked. The Scooped! All-You-Can-Eat Ice Cream Festival at the Seattle Center this weekend did not actually deliver on the all-you-can-eat part. People (those who had paid between $35 to $75 just to eat ice cream) waited in long lines for hours on Saturday, some only eating two scoops of ice cream. One family left and chose to eat ice cream at the mall. Can you imagine? 

Get your free tickets to Candidate Survivor: Now here's an event that won't disappoint. The Stranger and the Washington Bus have yet again partnered to bring you Candidate Survivor: the city council candidate forum to end all city council candidate forums. This year, you'll watch candidates from all over the city sweat as they pound (vegan) hot wings under an intense interrogation, lip sync for their lives, and try to wow you with a talent show—all under the direction of Seattle drag legend Miss Texas 1988. It's gonna get spicy. Get free tickets here

Diners, drive-ins, and disappointment: Guy Fieri and Donald Trump are friends. They kicked it together at a UFC event. Those frosted-tipped hair spikes aren't so cute anymore. 

Some smoke on the way: Canadian wildfire smoke may drift our way again this week, according to KIRO 7. The smoke won't be too bad this time, apparently. But it's bad every time. I don't mind being too dramatic about this. I hate smoke. It's not normal, and we should freak out about it more so it doesn't become the norm. 

Solar storm brings Northern Lights: The Aurora Borealis will be visible in 17 US states, thanks to a solar storm rolling into the atmosphere on Thursday. People in Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, Indiana, Maine and Maryland should be able to watch the sky do its little dance. The best viewing window is from 10 pm and 2 pm. 

Six dead in China stabbing: A 25-year-old man allegedly killed six people with a knife when he attacked a kindergarten in Lianjiang Monday morning. 

FDA asked to investigate influencer-backed energy drink: PRIME, a beverage brand founded by Logan Paul and KSI, sells an energy drink with the same amount of caffeine as six cans of Coke. California Sen. Charles Schumer called on the Food and Drug Administration to investigate the energy drink since its super popular with kids. Schumer called PRIME's energy drink a "cauldron of caffeine." 

Floods in the northeast: Torrential rain swept through New York and Connecticut Sunday. Over the course of a day, close to 10 inches of rain fell in the Hudson Valley, where flash floods wiped out roads, bridges, and killed at least one person. The storm now heads to New England. Fourteen million people are under flash flood warnings.

Meanwhile, the heat rages on in the Southwest: A heat dome covering parts of Arizona has sent temperatures soaring toward record-breaking numbers. Arizona has seen nine consecutive days with temperatures above 110 degrees. Meteorologists predict that level of heat could continue for up to a week or even longer, potentially shattering the 1974 record of 18 consecutive days with temperatures over 110 degrees. 

Three migrant boats go missing: Three boats carrying at least 300 people traveling from Senegal to Spain are missing. The boats departed the last week of June and have not been heard from since. The stretch of sea between Senegal and Spain is notoriously dangerous. However, Spanish authorities spotted one vessel 80 miles from one of the Canary Islands. It would be cool if the world scrambled its resources to help hundreds of missing people the way everyone rallied around five rich people missing in a submersible. 

Please stop showing the gorillas videos on your phones, requests the Toronto Zoo. People keep going up to the glass enclosure walls and showing the apes pictures and videos on their phones. While zookeepers haven't noticed any behavior changes yet (this same thing happened at a Chicago zoo, and the zookeepers started noticing behavior changes in the gorillas), they "just want the gorillas to be able to be gorillas." Don't taint a gorilla's gorilla-ness by showing him a mukbang. I long to be a gorilla, ignorant of the recent Jonah Hill gossip, banned from looking at a phone screen.

World's first human-robot press conference: Nine robots and their creators participated in a Geneva conference called "AI for Good" on Friday. During a panel, the robots said "they expected to increase in number and help solve global problems, and would not steal humans' jobs or rebel against us." Thank you for the peace of mind, robots.