Good morning! After Sunday’s wild, chaotic patchwork of sun showers, we’re getting a break from the rain. For the next few days, it’ll be partly sunny with highs in the low 60s. Get outside. The Big Dark starts in 13 days.

But first, the news.

Seattle’s Best Inflatables Hit the Streets: On Saturday, 90,000 protesters hit the streets for the No Kings march in Seattle, according to an initial estimate from the organizers. If their guess is right, this march beat the first No Kings march by 20k, and amounts to about 11 percent of the city’s population. It’s clear that Seattle doesn’t know what our answer to Portland’s protest frogs are. There were inflatable axolotls, inflatable sumo wrestlers, inflatable unicorns, inflatable dinosaurs, an inflatable St. Rat. But our sign game was solid.

 

 

To the march haters: I hear you. You feel like these marches are a way for libs to get their anti-Trump out without actually doing anything. A way for cis, straight, white, wealthy people with less on the line to anoint themselves with a gold anti-fascist star. And you’re right that this isn’t the frontline fight. This isn’t the protests outside ICE facilities or immigration courts or federal buildings. This is a rally. Rallies are silly and energetic and they provide a wide-ass umbrella. And that’s not a bad thing. Making dissenters feel powerless is one of the essential tenets of an authoritarian government. And rallies—whether they’re before a sports game or against a government—their job is to make you feel like you’re part of something big and powerful. Seven million people marched against the sitting president of the United States on Saturday. And it’s a lot easier to do your part, whatever that is, when you have hope. When you feel like you’re a part of something. And when you know you’re not alone.

Plus, visible shows of dissent create a PR problem for MAGA that they don’t know how to deal with, so then…

Trump Blows His Load: Our Dear Leader didn’t enjoy knowing that 7 million people were marching in the streets with signs calling him a turd, so he took matters into his own tiny hands. On Saturday night, he posted an AI-generated video of him climbing into the cockpit of a fighter jet painted with “King Trump.” To the tune of “Danger Zone”—with an oxygen mask on his chin—Top Trump dumps piles of liquid shit over protesters in New York. Not to be one-upped, JD Vance then posted a video of Trump being crowned, which cuts to what appears to be video of the Democratic leadership kneeling during their incredibly cringey Black Lives Matter media stunt.

Meanwhile, in Real Life: Actual Vance gave a speech on Saturday in front of hundreds of US Marines (none of them fat or bearded, we assume), ranting about Senator Chuck Schumer and the government shutdown. Then, Vance watched Marines fire 155-millimeter artillery shells over a major interstate highway, while parachuters jumped from the sky and Navy seals swam out of the ocean. Vance called the whole fever dream “testament to the corps’ strength and unbeatable power.”

First “Antifa” “Terrorism” Charges Are In: On Thursday, federal prosecutors announced that terrorism charges had been filed against two people for their alleged involvement in a shooting that injured a police officer during a July 4 ICE protest in Alvarado, Texas. It’s been about a month since Trump shouted on social media that he was going to designate “antifa” a “major terrorist organization,” which isn’t technically possible for domestic groups in the US. But anything is possible if you make up your own rules, and that’s just what Trump did.

What are they actually charged with? Neither of them are accused of shooting the gun. Instead, the government accused them of “providing material support to terrorists” and having “aided and abetted” the alleged attempted murder of the cop. It also accuses them of being part of an “antifa cell.” Because there’s no such thing as a centralized Antifa organization, that means nothing. But this case will be Pam Bondi’s testing ground for using this terrorist designation as a form of repression.

Speaking of Shit Trump Made Up: Trump’s undeclared war on narcotraffic in the Caribbean is still roaring. On Thursday, the US military hit its sixth boat that they claim is carrying drug traffickers, and unlike the previous five strikes, this one left two survivors. They’re now theoretically prisoners of war? In a war that was never declared or approved by Congress. At least 29 people have been killed in these extrajudicial killings (murders), and Trump is now flirting with continuing these attacks on land in Venezuela.

A Broken Ceasefire: On Sunday, ten days into a fragile truce, Israel launched an attack on Gaza and halted aid deliveries. In a truly spectacular use of doublespeak, Israeli officials said the attacks were “enforcement of the cease-fire.” Israel claims that two of its soldiers were killed by “Palestinian militants” on Sunday before they launched the attack. Gaza’s health officials reported that 44 Palestinians died in Israel’s bombing. Both Israel and Hamas accuse the other of breaking the ceasefire, and both Israel and Hamas say they’re still committed to it.

Ocean’s Four: On Sunday, in broad daylight, two burglars drove a truck carrying an electric-powered ladder to the Louvre, climbed up to the second floor and broke a window into the gallery holding a collection of royal jewels. They smashed two cases and nabbed eight objects, including a royal sapphire necklace and a diadem worn by Empress Eugénie. Then they shot back down the ladder, and hopped on two scooters driven by their getaway drivers. The heist took seven minutes.

It’s Election Time: By now, your ballot has probably arrived in your mailbox. Our general election voters' guide is out, our cheat sheet is live if you don’t feel like reading that much. If your stomach sank because you just realized you’re not registered to vote, fear not. You can register to vote until October 27, and if you miss that deadline, you can still go to a voting center on election day. We have a real, proper slate of progressive candidates, but please, don’t assume the primary results mean we’ve got it in the bag. VOTE!

Winner Takes All: We can’t say the Mariners aren’t keeping it exciting. We’re now 3-3 in a seven game series against the Toronto Blue Jays, and tonight’s game will decide who goes to the World Series. The Mariners are the only MLB team never to go to the Series, and this is the closest they’ve ever gotten, which means at 5:08 p.m. today they’re starting the biggest game in the team’s history. Everybody be cool.

Here’s a Headline for Ya: “Police Break Up Lego Theft Ring, Recovering Hundreds of Beheaded Figurines.” A California man was arrested for stealing $6,000-worth of Legos, the New York Times reports. The article does not address how or why they lost their heads.