Welcome Back to Reality: Happy New Year to everyone and welcome back to consuming the news to those of you who vanished from regularity and routine (which means consuming all information at all times) during the purgatory between Christmas and 2026. To everyone who couldn't fuck off, sorry about that. Today we will start answering the question on everyone's lips: Is 2026 bad yet? All I can offer you is this: I don't know, probably? Make your own assessment.
Mamdani Is the Mayor: On New Year's Day, Zohran Mamdani became mayor of New York City, the first Muslim and South Asian person to do so and the youngest in a century. And, he's the first mayor to be sworn in as a Democratic Socialist. Mamdani maintained that he would not be shying away from his Democratic Socialist priorities like making New York more affordable and focusing on improving lives for working class New Yorkers. “I will not abandon my principles for fear of being deemed radical," Mamdani said in a speech. Sen. Bernie Sanders did the swearing in while Mamdani placed his hand on a Quran. People in the crowd—which numbered in the thousands at City Hall plaza with 40,000 others gathered in the streets of lower Manhattan—started chanting "tax the rich." Now, the Mamdani era begins. The world is watching the example he sets.
Bernie Sanders publicly swears in Zohran Mamdani as NYC mayor
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar.com) January 1, 2026 at 11:44 AM
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Katie Wilson Is the Mayor: It's the new year and we are all getting new mayors! Katie Wilson will officially be sworn in as Seattle's mayor in the City Hall lobby at 10 a.m today. We'll be there. The weather calls for socialist hellfire to rain down on the city in the immediate aftermath.
Just Kidding: It'll be cloudy with a smattering of rain expected throughout the day. Same old story, except the temperature is in the mid-to-high 40s in January? Wilson may be the last mayor we have before the world ends. More serious rain and wind will come this weekend.
On the Other Hand, Holy Fire: A New Year's Day fire burned up Amsterdam's 19th-century Neo-Gothic Vondelkerk church. The blaze collapsed the tower, but the church's structure is expected to remain intact. Officials still don't know the cause of the fire.
Swiss Fire Kills 40: A fire ripped through a bar at the Crans-Montana, a Switzerland ski resort, less than two hours after midnight. The flames took 40 souls and altered the trajectory of the year for 119 injured. The Associated Press reports most of the injuries were serious. Many of the victims were international tourists, most were young. And many of the dead have yet to be identified due to the severity of their burns. Officials say waiters carrying bottles with sparklers in a basement where people were dancing caused the ceiling to catch fire. Authorities suspect a "flash over" occurred, a phenomenon where a fire in an enclosed space engulfs the area in moments. A crush of revelers attempted to escape the bar, crowding the only stairway up and out. Switzerland will hold five days of mourning due to the tragedy.
SPD Arrested Man with Guns on NYE: Seattle police arrested a 21-year-old man near the Space Needle at around 7:20 p.m. on New Year's Eve. He was carrying a shotgun, pistol, and multiple rounds of ammunition near where many people were gathering for a fireworks display. (Yes, despite all that fog.) He was clad in all black and wore a red hat with "WAR" on it. Witnesses spotted him holding the partially concealed shotgun and called the cops who recovered the gun and found a handgun, which the suspect had a valid concealed carry permit for.
A Clogged Polar Plunge: Around 1,800 Seattleites dipped in the waters of Lake Washington surrounding Matthews Beach for the annual New Year's Day polar plunge. That's too many people. Just jump off a dock somewhere else and avoid the crowds if you want to do all that.
New Minimum Wage Alert: The Washington state minimum wage rose as 2026 dawned. It's now $17.13 an hour. That's 47 cents more than it was in 2025.
Weekend Light Rail Station Closures: Starting Friday at 11 p.m. until Monday at 4 a.m., Westlake, Symphony, Pioneer Square, and International District/Chinatown light rail stations will be closed. Good luck, those of you flying home this weekend. Sound Transit crews are going to work on the Automatic Train Protection system which, as the Seattle Times reports is something that "will prevent trains from encroaching on each other once the Eastside’s 2 Line crosses Lake Washington to merge with Seattle’s 1 Line, increasing train volumes." Seems important. Sound Transit estimates trains could be in service across Lake Washington by May. I'm knocking on wood.
Mercer Island Man Allegedly Kills Three Family Members: According to police, a 45-year-old man killed three of his family members and then himself in December 30 shootings at a home on Mercer Island and one in Issaquah. The man, an unemployed computer engineer, allegedly killed his wife, his disabled younger brother, then his mom, and then himself. Hours before police found the bodies, the man sent an email to friends about his firearms, informing them that "if any or all of you want to make some effort to recover my guns and associated property then you are welcome to it,” the email read. “It may require you to go into my house and see some things that you would prefer not to." Last year, the man's mother filed and won a protection order against him which required him to turn over 53 firearms to the Issaquah Police Department. The protection order was dropped three weeks ago.
Trump Threatens Intervention in Iran: Political demonstrations in Iran escalated this week when several protestors died during clashes with police. These protests, over worsening economic conditions after the collapse of the country's rial currency, is the first major protest since Iranians took to the streets in 2022 after a young woman detained for not wearing her hijab was killed in police custody. After news of this year's escalating protests, Donald Trump entered the fray, posting on Truth Social that if Iran kills more "peaceful protestors" the US "will come to their rescue." Trump ended with: "the US is locked and loaded and ready to go." It is always good to threaten war on a social media site.
A Silver Lining: One of the South Park founders, Toby Morton, bought the domain for the Trump Kennedy Center. If you go to trumpkennedycenter.org, you'll see that the "Epstein Dancers" have an upcoming performance. Apparently, Morton bought the domain back in August, predicting Trump would slap his name on the Kennedy Center.
Something to Take the Edge Off: ICYMI here is what Americans got stuck up their orifices in 2025. I have questions for whoever stuffed an apple core in their penis. I respect the out-of-the-box thinking of the woman who shoved two diamond rings up her vagina at a party because she thought they would be stolen. I don't want to know anything about the person who got a corncob pipe stuck up their ass.
Pour One Out for the Space Library: NASA's biggest library and central research hub since 1959 is closing today. The closure is part of "reorganization drive" which will see "13 buildings and over 100 science and engineering laboratories" at NASA's at Goddard Space Flight Center shut down by March. NASA will review the library's holdings over the next two months and determine what material should be stored in a government warehouse. Everything else will be "tossed away." Seven other NASA libraries have closed in the past three years. Three of those closures happened last year.
Something for Your New Year: I don't have a song for you. But, uh, how about you start the new year by perfecting your egg cooking?
