Fellow Jews, the news team says Ben and Esther's, the new vegan deli on Pike Street, checks out. Capitol Hill Seattle Blawg noted the following menu items: "Roasted carrot lox and hearts of palm whitefish," plus "'deli by the pound' goods, borscht and matzoh ball soup, and sweets including black+white cookies." I will make a trip in the next couple days and return with a full report. 

Lol, this lying ass: A Democrat named Clyde Shavers, who is running against Republican House Rep. Greg Gilday up in Island County, claimed he was an attorney who served as a nuclear submarine officer in the Navy. This week, that candidate's dad wrote a letter accusing him of lying about both claims. Crosscut reports that the dad was right. Turns out he was a flack in the Navy, and he works at Perkins Coie but not as a lawyer. These revelations might tank Shavers's chances after a surprisingly strong showing in the primary, which is a shame because Gilday suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. 

The downtown jail turned the tap water back on: After a month of forcing prisoners to use bottled water—one bottle at a time—the jail finally fixed the cloudy water issue, according to the Seattle Times.

Prepare for an "atmospheric river:" Seattle and Everett could see flooding starting Friday, after a rain shadow fills in and "a pool of rich, subtropical moisture feeding off the Pacific Ocean" begins to dump on us in earnest, KING 5 reports. The mountains will get hit with a lot of snow, too, so watch your ass on the passes. 

Security guard allegedly rapes woman he accused of shoplifting: Multnomah County District Attorney Mike Schmidt charged the Portland Rite Aid loss prevention officer with rape after he allegedly "escorted her to a secluded room, used his position of authority and the threat of reporting her to police to make her feel that she was unable to leave" and then "subjected her to non-consensual sex acts," according to the Associated Press. 

Seattle lowers its budget expectations: The new forecast will see "a net $64 million decrease in real estate excise tax revenues, a net $9.4 million decrease in general fund revenues, and a net $4.5 million decrease in revenues from the sweetened beverage tax," according to a press release from Budget Chair Teresa Mosqueda that KIRO 7 ripped whole-cloth without attributing it to the release, lol. 

Elon Musk spends day trolling his customers: If you need any more evidence of the limited brainpower of billionaires, look no further than Musk's Twitter presence today. In his attempt to justify forcing people to pay $20 $8 per month for a blue check mark, which allows Twitter users to verify the identity of a given account, he compared complaints about the proposed policy to liberals buying one $58 AOC sweatshirt, or one $8 Starbucks coffee smoothie per day. In another tweet, he proved he was missing the point or deliberately avoiding it with the tweet you'll find below. The core "benefit" of the blue check mark is verification of identity, not rising to the top of the thread because you can afford $8. People are mad about paying not to get scammed. 

The Fed wants bosses to lay off more people: The board of political appointees decided to increase interest rates another three-quarters of a point, making it that much more expensive to take out loans, Axios reports. Economists project unemployment to rise to 4.4% next year partly as a result of these fucks hiking rates to their highest point in the last 15 years. 

Biden slams Republicans for putting American democracy at risk: In a prime time address this evening, the President said Republicans who deny the results of the 2020 elections will put the country on the "path to chaos," and laid into the guy who attacked Paul Pelosi with a hammer, the New York Times reports. "More than 370 Republican candidates have questioned and, at times, outright denied the results of the 2020 election despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary," according to the Times

Speaking of the attempted coup: Trump's lawyers saw Justice Clarence Thomas as "key to overturning the results of the 2020 election," according the Washington Post. In emails, they argued that Thomas might be able to "issue some sort of stay or other circuit justice opinion saying Georgia is in legitimate doubt." One of the lawyers clerked for Thomas, and of course Thomas's wife, Ginni, is a nutcase who peddles election conspiracies. 

Israel's far right takes power: After being ousted last year, Benjamin Netanyahu and his Likud party is poised to win a majority of seats in the country's parliament. The BBC reports that the ruling government will be the most far-right in years. 

Ethiopia and Tigray reach a peace deal: After two years of brutal fighting and mass displacement, the two sides have negotiated a "permanent cessation of hostilities," according to Al Jazeera. The Tigray region still suffers from a lack of food and other basic needs, and analysts expect a long road to recovery. 

I leave you with my new favorite Carly Rae Jepsen song: