Here's how it's going to go down tomorrow, Super Tuesday: Hillary's going to win in almost every state, further solidifying her lead on Bernie (she's already way ahead on delegates, 544 to 85, with 2,383 needed for the nomination).
And, distressingly, Trump will probably win in almost every state as well.
So is this the race that we're looking at? Trump versus Clinton? What an insane world that would be, but crazier things have happened. For example, Marco Rubio just suggested that Donald Trump has a small dick, so that's the level of surreal political discourse we're enjoying these days.
DOES Donald Trump have a small penis? And if not, why won't he prove it to the American people?
This isn't the first time Donald Trump's penis has made headlines. Back in 2012, the Miss America pageant fired a woman when they learned that she was trans. Her attorney was Gloria Allred (OF COURSE SHE WAS) and Allred said that Trump, who owns the contest, shouldn't trouble himself about women's genitals because they don't ask to see his.
Trump responded that Allred would be "very very impressed" with his penis. (IMPORTANT NOTE: He didn't say it's big.)
"I don’t have a magnifying glass strong enough to see something that small," Allred responded. "The world does not revolve around his penis."
What does Gloria Allred know about Donald Trump's penis, and when did she know it?
If you, like most people, would like some help visualizing Donald Trump naked, you're in luck: an artist recently drew a nude portrait of him. There is also a delectable mosaic of Donald Trump made out of penises. And an animated gif.
Tewnty-five years ago, Spy magazine was rumor-mongering about Donald's tiny penis. Even The Onion has made satirical reference to Trump's near-imperceptible dong. Why do small-dick rumors seem to swirl around him, and why won't he put them to rest simply by showing us his penis?
Somebody, for the sake of the country, needs to get to the bottom of this.
Meanwhile a new survey out this week shows that there's a huge contingent of Republican voters who haaaaaaate everything the party's been doing lately, and would "rethink their party loyalty" if Trump is the nominee.
Probably because of his penis.