Best of luck to the happy couple.
Best of luck to the happy couple. Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com

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One by one, all of the former Republican candidates seem to be lining up behind Donald Trump. It's almost as though they know that something's inevitable — something the rest of us don't want to admit could possibly come true.

First it was Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum, neither of whom was ever seriously going to make it to the convention. Trump dragged them out on stage when he did his anti-debate, and the optics were amazing — it looked like he was their boss, giving them brief permission to speak.

Then he did it to Chris Christie, only with an added dose of humiliation: making Christie stand behind him and listen uncomfortably to his insults.

And now it's Ben Carson, who is probably too oblivious to even realize how dumb this endorsement makes him look.

True to form, Carson's endorsement was weirder than weird. "There are two different Donald Trumps," he said. "There’s the one you see on the stage and there’s the one who’s very cerebral, sits there and considers things very carefully."

First of all, even one Donald Trump is several Trumps too many. That there might be two sounds like some kind of terrifying Ray Bradbury future dystopia.

Trump liked the sound of that: "perhaps there are two Donald Trumps," he said — and then he did not like the sound of that: "I don’t think there are two Donald Trumps," he added.

And regarding all of the insults Trump hurled at Carson, "Well, it was part of the game," he said. As you'll recall, Trump called Carson "pathological" and compared him to a child molester. What a fun game.

Trump doesn't seem capable of delivering a speech that doesn't horrify at least some of us, and his Ben Carson endorsement party did not disappoint.

“I was most impressed with his views on education. It’s a strength. It’s a tremendous strength,” Trump said. Ben will be "involved" with the Trump campaign, somehow, on the issues health and education. Yes, sure, the guy who said that the Earth is 6,000 years old and the pyramids are grain silos, he should definitely be in charge of education.

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Ben also says that the federal government needs to get out of public schools, which is a bunch of Republican blah-blah that he barely even thought through. If he had, he might've noticed that Congress already passed a new K-12 bill that eliminated a lot of federal school oversight.

Also he's conflated public schools and charter schools, and he supports voucher programs, which are really just a scam for religious people to slurp up government checks that would have gone to real education.

Anyway, best of luck to the happy couple, and may they continue to come up with terrible ideas and make millions of dollars for years to come.

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