How's your day going so far? Not so good? (Mondays, ugh.) Well perhaps it will cheer you a bit to know that Donald Trump's day is probably going worse.
And it's not just one or two little bumps in the road that he's enduring right now: Like a bumbling Jerry Lewis or Chevy Chase character, every single goddamn thing seems to be going wrong for him. First his kids let him down, then his surrogates let him down, then various state campaigns let him down, and even the CIA has let him down.
Trump normally puts up a pretty commanding, smug exterior, but lately there's been just the slightest hint of a crack in the facade. You can tell at times he's just a few inches away from really blowing up, like a Hulk who got painted orange by accident.
For starters, there's his lousy jerk kids. Would you believe most of them never registered to vote? Gee whiz, what an oversight. What could they have been thinking? It's almost as if spending a lot of money is a more effective way of affecting politics than voting.
To be fair, they're only two people out of 11-ish million registered voters, and it's unlikely that the vote's going to be close enough that those two would have made a difference. And like most of us, they probably just assumed their dad was running as a joke until it was too late.
Still, the optics of the whole thing are kind of lousy for Trump, and it's just one more thing for reporters to make fun of him for. When pressed about it by Fox News, Trump admitted, "They were, you know, unaware of the rules, and they didn’t, they didn’t register in time ... They feel very guilty. But it’s fine. I understand that. I think they have to register a year in advance and they didn’t. So Eric and Ivanka, I guess, won’t be voting."
Speaking of disappointment, Trump is probably also not very happy about Ben Carson going on CNN and saying there are better choices for president than Trump. “Are there better people? Probably," Carson said. "Is there another scenario that I would have preferred? Yes, but that scenario isn’t available.” He ended the interview with the confused-looking CNN anchors by pretending he couldn't hear them anymore.
Meanwhile, the director of the CIA said that if Trump ordered him to waterboard detainees, he would refuse. That sure would be fun to watch! A secretive intelligence agency that openly declares that it may or may not obey orders from the president, because those orders are completely insane? Fantastic. These are definitely signs of a functioning, healthy political system.
Trump also went down in flames in Wisconsin and in Colorado — not just little flickering matchbox flames, but big huge kablammo ones. He got only six delegates in Wisconsin, and none at all in Colorado, due in part to some really dumb mistakes by his campaign: in some races they simply neglected to tell supporters which delegates to vote for; in others, they told them to vote for people who weren't even on the ballot; and in another race, they accidentally told supporters to vote for a Cruz delegate. Haha, whoops!
It seems really likely now that Trump will be unable to make the delegate minimum (it still COULD happen, it's just super unlikely). That means a contested convention, delegates fleeing in terror, and probably several months of America having to look at Ted Cruz's apostrophe-shaped face. Sorry, maybe that news doesn't brighten your day after all.